Papavasiliou

Hope he doesn't get back into another Prem team. I hate when we play against him. Dirty cunt spends the entire game throwing our strikers on the floor and pushing them round whenever the ref isn't looking.

Probably announcing a few signings on the 13th. I hope they have extra staff on, ready to cope with the massive demand for renewals once we unveil Colback...

Reports that Ranieri has been sacked at Monaco.

Can't really have a go at him for keeping Ben Arfa out the team. If it wasn't him, Pardew would have just put some other poor bastard in there instead.

He absolutely hates defensive midfielders. Pardew wouldn't put up with that sort of talk.

Big, strong, can hold the ball up, knows how to score. That fits Pardew's style perfectly. Makes far too much sense though. We'll just play Armstrong and Campbell as target men instead.

So we're skipping the middle man and signing players Pre-Pardew'd

Not really enforceable for us though. Pardew puts out enough of a first team squad to not get stung for that. Just gets round it by just telling them not to bother trying to win by the looks of it.

Just a left footed Danny Simpson. Either backs off everything or jumps in rashly. Going forward all he can ever seem to do is float in slow as fuck crosses that keepers can easily pick out of the air.

More to the point, what would be his role in a Pardew side? Warm the bench before losing 80% of his resale value I would think. RB

Matty.... Aggar...

Semi-seriously... I'm surprised nobody has said Gattuso yet. I don't think he'd be afraid of the challenge (or anything for that matter) and he's already building up a history of working for shit owners/chairmen. He might even bring a few of his old lot with him. You have to imagine Maldini or Nesta would be a massive step up on what we have coaching the defence now. Can Probably do without getting Inzaghi and Cisse in the same room though...

Could always pinch Stekelenburg from Fulham if Krul goes. Not ideal, but better than Fat Rob getting on the pitch.

It's not like we'd gain anything keeping him around till then or just sacking him now. Six and two threes really.

I wouldn't be surprised if Pardew is able to convince Ashley to break our transfer policy for a couple of experienced English players on frees. Especially if the rumours about Ashley wanting to go 'more English' are to be believed. Hang-up with Lescott in particular would be wages, as mentioned. I don't think Lescott can realistically expect anything close to what he's on now if he moves though. Unfortunately that means we're probably going to low ball the shit out of him and he'll end up at Southampton or someone.

I love our standards for a good Shola performance. He doesn't have to do anything good, or special, or even score. He just has to "Not fuck up".