Hughesy Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Is that actually real or is that a parody? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Is that actually real or is that a parody? I provided the link. It's off his website. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Slugworth Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Cunt Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dinho lad Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Bless him. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Cunt http://i.imgur.com/CH0P2fG.png Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest firetotheworks Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 He's so oblivious. It's almost on David Brent levels. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
wormy Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view5/2754814/being-sick-o.gif Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anon Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 A four year spell at Newcastle United He's a fucking poet. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Must have got Lawro to help him with it. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
The College Dropout Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Man Utd fans I know seem to love the c***. Don't see why they would :S. They hated him for playing for Liverpool and then turned up at theirs to do nowt but complete his medal collection. Because he was delighted to be there. A former L'pool legend happy to be a part of the squad. And winning something none of their current team have. Furtheremore, that goal he scored against City made him a mini cult hero. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest palnese Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Hope he chokes on horse cum. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
wormy Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Man Utd fans I know seem to love the c***. Don't see why they would :S. They hated him for playing for Liverpool and then turned up at theirs to do nowt but complete his medal collection. Because he was delighted to be there. A former L'pool legend happy to be a part of the squad. And winning something none of their current team have. Furtheremore, that goal he scored against City made him a mini cult hero. Sums his career up that it's probably the supporters he'll be most affectionately remembered by. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Optimistic Nut Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Man Utd fans I know seem to love the c***. Don't see why they would :S. They hated him for playing for Liverpool and then turned up at theirs to do nowt but complete his medal collection. Because he was delighted to be there. A former L'pool legend happy to be a part of the squad. And winning something none of their current team have. Furtheremore, that goal he scored against City made him a mini cult hero. Sums his career up that it's probably the supporters he'll be most affectionately remembered by. Lower league fans as well who cling on to England as their one hope of success will always love him too I'd imagine. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
LesPaul Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 That blog Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiLvOR Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Such an egotistical twerp. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan_Taylor Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Cunt Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest elbee909 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 An amazing lack of self-awareness. Maybe he should just go off and jockey one of his horses, if we're lucky he might fall under one sometime. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
TaylorJ_01 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Jesus christ go and fuck off Michael. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan_Taylor Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Really doesn't realise just how many people find him to be a boring, intolerable wanker does he? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ketsbaia Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Remind me to read that when I'm sober, it looks a hoot. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Froggy Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 In a completely unoriginal, blatantly reworded but ultimately much better story, news that was set to dominate the back pages of the worlds sporting press was put on indefinite hold yesterday when Michael Owen’s retirement from professional football was delayed by an injury to his vocal cords. This was especially disappointing to the Spanish and Geordie reporters who had hoped Michael would utter a few words in their native tongue having become fluent in both languages whilst sitting on the bench at the Bernebau and in St James’s A&E department. Wearing his now trademark "Sponsored by BUPA" T shirt, the former England striker and regular cast extra on / in Casualty had been due to make a statement earlier today regarding his future when an initial tickle at the back of his throat suddenly took a turn for the worst and transformed into a grade 5 inability to speak. Like a greyhound suddenly shot with an air rifle Michael pulled up in his tracks, writhing around on the TV studio floor clutching his damaged vocal cords. An earlier open air press conference scheduled during the summer had to be postponed when the Stoke City medical team activated a clause in his contract which excludes Michael from going outside on a windy day in case an unexpected gust might snap his thread like cruciate ligaments. Left totally mute Michael Owen was left with no option but to issue a written statement, however a recurrence of a hand ligament problem caused as a result of filling in innumerable “Injury lawyers for U” forms and multi million pound deals meant this too had to be put on hold. Initially efforts were made to obtain Owen’s retirement announcement by borrowing Stephen Hawkins voice synthesiser but the hapless player strained his lower back and bilateral hamstrings trying to bend down to plug it in, causing him to limp round the paddock like one of the race horses he currently owns. Undaunted, the plucky striker then began to try and relay his intentions to the waiting crowd of reporters simply by using the power of suggestion but this simply gave him a migraine and he had to go and lie down on his memorial treatment table. Owen is currently auditioning for the British remake of “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”, the story of a courageous individual who locked into his own body following a spate of injuries and who can only communicate with the outside world by blinking his eye. Unfortunately ophthalmologists have reported that a stray eye lash has caused his one functioning eye to be put on bed rest. Even Paddy Power are refusing to take bets as to whether the eye will make an appearance before the end of the season. Before leaving the press conference reporters were reminded of the new post Levinson regulations about not using any words currently found in the English language that had been used by anyone else at any other time, in any other way, shape or form in order to fabricate a similar or dissimilar story for the general amusement of all and sundry as this may cause increased blood pressure and panic attacks in readers. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dokko Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Love the detail he goes in to about us. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yorkie Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Just utterly, utterly deluded. Fuck man, I absolutely loathe him. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Superior Acuña Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 In a completely unoriginal, blatantly reworded but ultimately much better story, news that was set to dominate the back pages of the worlds sporting press was put on indefinite hold yesterday when Michael Owen’s retirement from professional football was delayed by an injury to his vocal cords. This was especially disappointing to the Spanish and Geordie reporters who had hoped Michael would utter a few words in their native tongue having become fluent in both languages whilst sitting on the bench at the Bernebau and in St James’s A&E department. Wearing his now trademark "Sponsored by BUPA" T shirt, the former England striker and regular cast extra on / in Casualty had been due to make a statement earlier today regarding his future when an initial tickle at the back of his throat suddenly took a turn for the worst and transformed into a grade 5 inability to speak. Like a greyhound suddenly shot with an air rifle Michael pulled up in his tracks, writhing around on the TV studio floor clutching his damaged vocal cords. An earlier open air press conference scheduled during the summer had to be postponed when the Stoke City medical team activated a clause in his contract which excludes Michael from going outside on a windy day in case an unexpected gust might snap his thread like cruciate ligaments. Left totally mute Michael Owen was left with no option but to issue a written statement, however a recurrence of a hand ligament problem caused as a result of filling in innumerable “Injury lawyers for U” forms and multi million pound deals meant this too had to be put on hold. Initially efforts were made to obtain Owen’s retirement announcement by borrowing Stephen Hawkins voice synthesiser but the hapless player strained his lower back and bilateral hamstrings trying to bend down to plug it in, causing him to limp round the paddock like one of the race horses he currently owns. Undaunted, the plucky striker then began to try and relay his intentions to the waiting crowd of reporters simply by using the power of suggestion but this simply gave him a migraine and he had to go and lie down on his memorial treatment table. Owen is currently auditioning for the British remake of “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”, the story of a courageous individual who locked into his own body following a spate of injuries and who can only communicate with the outside world by blinking his eye. Unfortunately ophthalmologists have reported that a stray eye lash has caused his one functioning eye to be put on bed rest. Even Paddy Power are refusing to take bets as to whether the eye will make an appearance before the end of the season. Before leaving the press conference reporters were reminded of the new post Levinson regulations about not using any words currently found in the English language that had been used by anyone else at any other time, in any other way, shape or form in order to fabricate a similar or dissimilar story for the general amusement of all and sundry as this may cause increased blood pressure and panic attacks in readers. Source? Just read his statement. It's so him man. The fact he closes with one goal in a losing game he was 18 and the trophy he's most proud of is an individual one. Also - how the hell did he win the golden boot when he never hit 20 goals? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disco Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Just been saying because he got injured playing for us (Spurs) we can't criticise effectively. Football focus. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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