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TheBig_Sam is hilarious. Heres some of his latest:

 

Was walking back from bingo when some cabbie shouted out: "Heading home for the election debate, Big Sam?" I yelled back: "Yep - if 'election debate' is another term for having a wank on a bean bag while listening to 'Dark Side of the Moon'".

 

Was phoning round all the local taxi firms, hoping to get a lass on the other end so I could do a bit of my patented phone flirting. Eventually got one. Rhonda was her name. I tried all my moves but the cow just wasn't biting. Decided i'd better bring out the big guns. Told her I'd like to make love to her "via the back door". "Right up the wrong 'un, Rhonda," I said. "Right up the biscuit aisle." Big Sam now plays the waiting game to see if she's got the balls to go to the cops, like she said.

 

Might go hang around outside that new nightclub at the end of our road - pick off some of the young lasses who don't get in.

 

Get fucking in - the missus just went to the shop and brought me back a Snickers Ice-Cream and the new Panini World Cup 2010 sticker album.

 

The missus wanted a go at placing one of the stickers, so I let her put in Dario Veron of Paraguay. As usual, she fucked it up. It's wonkier than Heather Mills on a skateboard. I exploded. Called her a "pile of fucking arse seepage" and give her a kick on the muff. I've calmed down now, though. Sent her on to bed so I can tuck into this Snickers and catch up with the lovely ladies from 'The Hills'.

 

I'm in a right horny mood. Had a high-intensity wank while running on the treadmill earlier. The cleaners will earn their money today.

 

Just finished a 47-minute MSN chat with Sir Alex. It had everything. It was informative, entertaining, educational, sexy AND intriguing.

 

;D

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TheBig_Sam is hilarious. Heres some of his latest:

 

Was walking back from bingo when some cabbie shouted out: "Heading home for the election debate, Big Sam?" I yelled back: "Yep - if 'election debate' is another term for having a wank on a bean bag while listening to 'Dark Side of the Moon'".

 

Was phoning round all the local taxi firms, hoping to get a lass on the other end so I could do a bit of my patented phone flirting. Eventually got one. Rhonda was her name. I tried all my moves but the cow just wasn't biting. Decided i'd better bring out the big guns. Told her I'd like to make love to her "via the back door". "Right up the wrong 'un, Rhonda," I said. "Right up the biscuit aisle." Big Sam now plays the waiting game to see if she's got the balls to go to the cops, like she said.

 

Might go hang around outside that new nightclub at the end of our road - pick off some of the young lasses who don't get in.

 

Get fucking in - the missus just went to the shop and brought me back a Snickers Ice-Cream and the new Panini World Cup 2010 sticker album.

 

The missus wanted a go at placing one of the stickers, so I let her put in Dario Veron of Paraguay. As usual, she fucked it up. It's wonkier than Heather Mills on a skateboard. I exploded. Called her a "pile of fucking arse seepage" and give her a kick on the muff. I've calmed down now, though. Sent her on to bed so I can tuck into this Snickers and catch up with the lovely ladies from 'The Hills'.

 

I'm in a right horny mood. Had a high-intensity wank while running on the treadmill earlier. The cleaners will earn their money today.

 

Just finished a 47-minute MSN chat with Sir Alex. It had everything. It was informative, entertaining, educational, sexy AND intriguing.

 

;D

 

:lol:

 

It's really well written, very funny.

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Guest firetotheworks
:lol: Reminds me of this situation me and my mates made up about how Peter Beardsley still lives with his mam, plays out, and that his favourite food is 'Birttheye thmiley faythez'
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The missus wanted a go at placing one of the stickers, so I let her put in Dario Veron of Paraguay. As usual, she fucked it up. It's wonkier than Heather Mills on a skateboard. I exploded. Called her a "pile of fucking arse seepage" and give her a kick on the muff. I've calmed down now, though. Sent her on to bed so I can tuck into this Snickers and catch up with the lovely ladies from 'The Hills'.

 

I'm in a right horny mood. Had a high-intensity wank while running on the treadmill earlier. The cleaners will earn their money today.

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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JonasGutierrez

 

Goaaaalllllllllllll inter milito 3-1

about 12 hours ago via Echofon

 

Watching barca and inter champions Is champions Sunderland see you next seson lol

about 12 hours ago via Echofon

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Stevie setting his text ringtone as Andy Gray - "Lovely cushioned header, for..." then shouting "GERRARD!" himself. 23 times and counting.

 

All settled down. Pacheco practicing his times tables, Babel penning some lyrics, Yossi crying, Jamie called him "Gary Neville with AIDS".

 

 

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More from TheBig_Sam:

 

Woke up in the middle of the night sucking my finger - with the other hand shoved right up my arse. I'm gonna call it the 'sexy teapot'.

 

I'm in stitches here. Carlton just made a right fool out of Will, while Uncle Phil got really angry with Geoffrey the butler. What larks.

 

Need to get the lock on the bloody bathroom door fixed. Was having a bubble-bath wank there and the missus just walked right in. I was right at the point of climax, shouting "sink the Belgrano, Big Sam!" when I noticed her glare. She'll use this against me. Whore.

 

Get in - my vintage WWF Legion of Doom spiky shoulderpads have arrived from the internet. Lets see that cunt in Homebase throw me out now.

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From JozyAltidore17 (the Hull City striker sent off for a headbutt on Saturday) on Twitter: "I'm so sorry about yesterday. Made a stupid, immature and costly mistake. I apologize to Hull City and the fans who I let down. I let my emotions get the best of me and lost my composure. Believe it or not this year playing for Hull was to date the best trip I've ever been on."

 

Taken from the BBC website

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From JozyAltidore17 (the Hull City striker sent off for a headbutt on Saturday) on Twitter: "I'm so sorry about yesterday. Made a stupid, immature and costly mistake. I apologize to Hull City and the fans who I let down. I let my emotions get the best of me and lost my composure. Believe it or not this year playing for Hull was to date the best trip I've ever been on."

 

Taken from the BBC website

:lol:

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/chrischarles/philbrownsing595.jpg

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I see Brown may be back in charge of Hull next season.

 

I do the same. I would have never sacked him. With him they probably would have still a chance of staying up now. It was obvious after last season and his spells before that Dowie would fail.

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From JozyAltidore17 (the Hull City striker sent off for a headbutt on Saturday) on Twitter: "I'm so sorry about yesterday. Made a stupid, immature and costly mistake. I apologize to Hull City and the fans who I let down. I let my emotions get the best of me and lost my composure. Believe it or not this year playing for Hull was to date the best trip I've ever been on."

 

Taken from the BBC website

 

I like that bit, it's like "well obvious most people think this is a shit team and a shit place to live but believe it or not...." :lol:

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From JozyAltidore17 (the Hull City striker sent off for a headbutt on Saturday) on Twitter: "I'm so sorry about yesterday. Made a stupid, immature and costly mistake. I apologize to Hull City and the fans who I let down. I let my emotions get the best of me and lost my composure. Believe it or not this year playing for Hull was to date the best trip I've ever been on."

 

Taken from the BBC website

 

I like that bit, it's like "well obvious most people think this is a shit team and a shit place to live but believe it or not...." :lol:

 

:lol:

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From JozyAltidore17 (the Hull City striker sent off for a headbutt on Saturday) on Twitter: "I'm so sorry about yesterday. Made a stupid, immature and costly mistake. I apologize to Hull City and the fans who I let down. I let my emotions get the best of me and lost my composure. Believe it or not this year playing for Hull was to date the best trip I've ever been on."

 

Taken from the BBC website

 

I like that bit, it's like "well obvious most people think this is a shit team and a shit place to live but believe it or not...." :lol:

 

:lol:

 

Also a clear sign that he isnt planning on staying there next season.

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