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So we're at the point in the summer whereby we're not only inventing alternative realities but also getting annoyed by said invented alternative realities too? Sound

Did we wear this for any games other than getting shafted by Leeds at Elland Road?

Imagine you came home to find your nanna, your granda and your lass having a threesome in the living room with the entire thing being broadcast live on Facebook to all your pals Well this is much, much worse

That was never a free kick but Messi brings the magic!

Just won a trophy and qualified for the CL but haven't signed anyone by mid-June, on balance everything's shit innit m8.

Messi freekick. Lovely that.

I'd sue Mitchell for his years wages

And Wilson gets a 5 year contract extension on higher wages

We are slow in pretty much everything we do tbf.

What's gannin on

I swear if we chase Guehi for a year only to lose him to Liverpool who then taken Isak off us as well

No new centre back then.

That Busquets turn for the equaliser was magnifique.

I think he'll stay (for 2 years if we get CL again for 26/27), and obviously hope he stays but if he is going to leave I just hope it's quick so we don't miss the boat of opportunity on the likes of Sesko, Omishen, David etc

If we didn’t already know, last summer was a total fuck up wasn’t it. Done bloody wonders to then win a trophy and qualify for UCL

Starting to feel like we're very slow off the blocks like.

Seems we’re waiting for July 1st to start doing business. We’re going to miss out on quite a few decent players if the likes of Liverpool are throwing money about now. Not totally convinced by him, as what I’ve seen at club level has been patchy, he looked great for England at the last tourno though. Does he lose a lot of headers because of the lack of height?

Fucking hell, didn't realise Spurs had actually offered £70m for him

Will need to pay world class money for a world class talent.

Meanwhile at Little Benton, the NUFC transfer committee starts to assemble;”:

And on cue, there we go.

Who’s signing Gomez if they go down? Reason he would be going to Sunderland in first place is because no-one wants him for fee and wage.

Been to a pre season friendly at Palmeiras, they sang ‘fuck yourself referee’ for most of the game and the ref had to be walked off the field under police riot shields. Also nearly had a riot before KO because the turnstiles broke and nobody could get in. I wondered whether to bother going because it looked a meaningless game

O’Nien screams a VAR red in first two games, same for Ballard. They are a donkey team where reality will hit hard and the boos after 10 games and half empty stadium will be very funny.