johnnypd Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 TheBig_Sam Went to the chemist for condoms earlier, wearing my leather biker jacket. Some fella shouts "Bat out of hell!". Cunt thought I was Meatloaf. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Interpolic Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 New girl behind the counter at my gym is a sweet-ass honey bee. Filthy looking. I'd like to pop a little something into her suggestion box. Just realised I went the whole day with my pants on over my trousers. I'd feel like a superhero - if they weren't caked in my own shit. I've been singing 'Somewhere Over The Rainbow' all morning. But changing the words "the rainbow" to "my bellend". Hilarious stuff. Fuck it - I'm getting my nose pierced. Mother is getting vaginal reconstructive surgery today, so I have to look after her dog, Gerald. He's a complete wanker. Smug as fuck. I lost it. Shaved "I'm a canine cunt" into Gerald's coat & locked him in the larder. I'm away to the garage to get a Drifter and cool down. I love this thing. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest toonlass Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 The joey Barton one is superb. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oakie Doke Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 The joey Barton one is superb. I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Blackpoooooooool. I wouldnt say im drunk but im currently sitting in mcdonalds with no trousers on. Apparently set fire to next door's hedge convinced Gary Nevillle was hiding in it. Haha. Weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating easter egg with right one) 4 mins to kick off and Butt has pissed himself. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ketsbaia Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 My favourite JB one is "How can people commit suicide when things like space raiders exist" haha Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Geordiesned Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 "Big Sam has the hangover from hell. I woke up crying and immediately threw up all over the wife's tits." :lol: Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cajun Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 "Big Sam has the hangover from hell. I woke up crying and immediately threw up all over the wife's tits." :lol: Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ketsbaia Posted June 1, 2010 Share Posted June 1, 2010 TheBig_Sam: Saw a guy in the gym with the peachiest arse I've seen in ages. Like I say, I'm not a gay but I felt like applauding. It was biteable. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdckelly Posted June 1, 2010 Share Posted June 1, 2010 darren bents back on twitter db11tt Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarrenBartonCentrePartin Posted June 1, 2010 Share Posted June 1, 2010 I tweeted Helen Chamberlain in response to her tweet about Sainsbury's refusing to let her have an out of date melon for her pigs last week, and she tweeted me back. Mixing with football's elite am I. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fatwax Posted June 1, 2010 Share Posted June 1, 2010 darren bents back on twitter db11tt Has a bit of free time over summer I guess. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gash Posted June 1, 2010 Share Posted June 1, 2010 I tweeted Helen Chamberlain in response to her tweet about Sainsbury's refusing to let her have an out of date melon for her pigs last week, and she tweeted me back. Mixing with football's elite am I. ToddlaT Ruth from This Morning Howard from the apprentice Alan Davies To name a few of my twitter fans. I'm a celebrity. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElDiablo Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 My favourite JB one is "How can people commit suicide when things like space raiders exist" haha "Fucking British Rail at it again! The sign clearly said if I stand close to the edge I might be sucked off. Thats 3 fucking hours wasted." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest GAMMELL Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 The Big Sam :lol: Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
gray Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Cauklin doesn't half have a stot on for Darren Bent Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest neesy111 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Cauklin doesn't half have a stot on for Darren Bent any journalist does for players that like them Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gash Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Can't explain how delighted i am that Wrighty replied to me on twitter Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
1878 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 The Big Sam :lol: I though two of todays tweets were funny as fuck: Just had a massive argument with Dave Benson Phillips on Skype about The Smiths. He reckons Hatful of Hollow is a "bag of old shite". I told him to fuck off back to CBBC and banned him from any of my summer BBQs. Cunt. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disco Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 The Big Sam :lol: I though two of todays tweets were funny as fuck: Just had a massive argument with Dave Benson Phillips on Skype about The Smiths. He reckons Hatful of Hollow is a "bag of old shite". I told him to fuck off back to CBBC and banned him from any of my summer BBQs. Cunt. quality Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mowen Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 The Big Sam :lol: I though two of todays tweets were funny as fuck: Just had a massive argument with Dave Benson Phillips on Skype about The Smiths. He reckons Hatful of Hollow is a "bag of old shite". I told him to fuck off back to CBBC and banned him from any of my summer BBQs. Cunt. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarrenBartonCentrePartin Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 started the trending topic #philbrownforliverpool in the hope of pissing off a few of the best fans in the world* if any other tweeters want to follow suit. *this is not my own opinion of Liverpool fans, merely the phrase used by both themselves and certain sections of the media, which may be more familiar to you when naming Liverpool fans, as opposed to say, bindipping bastards. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest GAMMELL Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 The Big Sam today: "Got a hole in the crotch of my cobalt blue Juicy Couture tracksuit. I was sat on the bus, looked down & saw my ballbag staring back at me." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ketsbaia Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 TheBig_Sam: I've been sniffing a big felt tip pen for two hours now. I have a little neon pink moustache. It's both decadent and outrageously cute. I feel incredible - like I can do anything. I just sang 'Nessun Dorma' word for word and I can't even speak African. Amazing. JBJoeyBarton: Just been down the new gym. The machines got everything fair play.................twix, mars, crisps, lucazade....I'm definately going back! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Geordiesned Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 The BigSam: Big Brother is back. Haven't seen so many cunts on TV since Gary Neville lent me "Mingefest 14" on DVD. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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