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Guest BooBoo

Are the Kevin Nolan and Andy Carroll accounts genuine or phoneys?

 

:facepalm:

 

Unrequired facepalm, but I guess it answers my question.

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TheBig_Sam

 

Went to the chemist for condoms earlier, wearing my leather biker jacket. Some fella shouts "Bat out of hell!". Cunt thought I was Meatloaf.

 

 

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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New girl behind the counter at my gym is a sweet-ass honey bee. Filthy looking. I'd like to pop a little something into her suggestion box.

 

Just realised I went the whole day with my pants on over my trousers. I'd feel like a superhero - if they weren't caked in my own shit.

 

I've been singing 'Somewhere Over The Rainbow' all morning. But changing the words "the rainbow" to "my bellend". Hilarious stuff.

 

Fuck it - I'm getting my nose pierced.

 

Mother is getting vaginal reconstructive surgery today, so I have to look after her dog, Gerald. He's a complete wanker. Smug as fuck.

 

I lost it. Shaved "I'm a canine cunt" into Gerald's coat & locked him in the larder. I'm away to the garage to get a Drifter and cool down.

 

I love this thing. :lol:

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The joey Barton one is superb.

:snod:

 

I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Blackpoooooooool.

 

I wouldnt say im drunk but im currently sitting in mcdonalds with no trousers on.

 

Apparently set fire to next door's hedge convinced Gary Nevillle was hiding in it.

 

Haha. Weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating easter egg with right one)

 

4 mins to kick off and Butt has pissed himself.

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Guest Geordiesned

"Big Sam has the hangover from hell. I woke up crying and immediately threw up all over the wife's tits."

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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  • 2 weeks later...

I tweeted Helen Chamberlain in response to her tweet about Sainsbury's refusing to let her have an out of date melon for her pigs last week, and she tweeted me back.  Mixing with football's elite am I.

ToddlaT

Ruth from This Morning

Howard from the apprentice

Alan Davies

 

To name a few of my twitter fans. I'm a celebrity.

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My favourite JB one is "How can people commit suicide when things like space raiders exist" haha

 

"Fucking British Rail at it again! The sign clearly said if I stand close to the edge I might be sucked off. Thats 3 fucking hours wasted."

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Guest neesy111

Cauklin doesn't half have a stot on for Darren Bent

 

any journalist does for players that like them

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The Big Sam  :lol: :lol:

 

I though two of todays tweets were funny as fuck:

 

Just had a massive argument with Dave Benson Phillips on Skype about The Smiths.

 

He reckons Hatful of Hollow is a "bag of old shite". I told him to fuck off back to CBBC and banned him from any of my summer BBQs. Cunt.

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The Big Sam  :lol: :lol:

 

I though two of todays tweets were funny as fuck:

 

Just had a massive argument with Dave Benson Phillips on Skype about The Smiths.

 

He reckons Hatful of Hollow is a "bag of old shite". I told him to fuck off back to CBBC and banned him from any of my summer BBQs. Cunt.

 

:lol: quality

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The Big Sam  :lol: :lol:

 

I though two of todays tweets were funny as fuck:

 

Just had a massive argument with Dave Benson Phillips on Skype about The Smiths.

 

He reckons Hatful of Hollow is a "bag of old shite". I told him to fuck off back to CBBC and banned him from any of my summer BBQs. Cunt.

 

:mackems:

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started the trending topic #philbrownforliverpool in the hope of pissing off a few of the best fans in the world* if any other tweeters want to follow suit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*this is not my own opinion of Liverpool fans, merely the phrase used by both themselves and certain sections of the media, which may be more familiar to you when naming Liverpool fans, as opposed to say, bindipping bastards.

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