Still not worthy of a thread

[Yorkie]

21 hours ago, joeyt said:

Just has a read of the match report of us playing Fiorentina 12 years ago today and some of the Pardewisms are fun looking back:

 

 

Never forget how bad things were

 

 

 

 

From the Hartlepool friendly a year later:

 

Spoiler

"I think it is quiet - whether we're all enthralled by what's happening with the Olympics I don't know - I certainly am, it's been fantastic.....we've thoroughly enjoyed it. Maybe we should all concentrate a little bit more on the transfer market now.

"The transfer window is still open so everybody's vulnerable when you're a side like us. You try to protect them by knowing that someone will have to pay top, top money for one of our players."

 

 

(We'd just finished fifth)

[The Prophet]

That's why he'll always be the worst manager of my lifetime. The damage he did the club went far beyond the pitch. "But he finished 5th..."

[Bimpy474]

4 hours ago, Gazzaschicken said:

Always puzzles me how the 2nd half stoppage is always double the 1st half. 

 

Just stop the clock when the ball goes out and players are down. 

 

Usually the subs are mainly the second half, and teams winning do tend to waste a little more time when in front later in games, so that's double the injury time in second half really. As you say stop the clock for injuries, and possibly when the balls out.

 

[gjohnson]

1 hour ago, Bimpy474 said:

 

Usually the subs are mainly the second half, and teams winning do tend to waste a little more time when in front later in games, so that's double the injury time in second half really. As you say stop the clock for injuries, and possibly when the balls out.

 

If that was all counted games would last about 3 hours

[Bimpy474]

8 minutes ago, gjohnson said:

If that was all counted games would last about 3 hours

 

I know, it's going to seem that way very soon

[Ben]

Should we not just have an independent timekeeper with a big clock that everyone can see like those sports in the USA of America United States ? 

[Hanshithispantz]

Should have a bell that goes off when there's 1 minute to go, with the seconds counting down projected onto the centre of the pitch. The crowd can count down with it, and a horn will sound signalling the end of the game.

Maybe set pieces can be removed during this time, and even an extra ball thrown onto the field. The lights could dim during night time games, with spotlights following the balls. Cheerleeders run out onto the touchline, a jet could pass over releasing smoke in the teams colours.

The most exciting minute in football. The coaching staff can form a conga line as the 1-man-in-the-technical-area is lifted, and the referee rips off his kit to reveal an eye-catching lycra skinsuit, he stands onto a crane hook and is hoisted high above the turf, his mic is turned on as he bellows out God Save The King.

4 tigers are let out, tied to each corner flag by 3-metre rope. The perimeter of the pitch caves in forming a moat, piranhas patrol and the water runs red. A sniper team emerges from the roof, emptying hollowpoint rounds into anyone not joining in with the anthem.

Rob Hawthorne and Jamie Carrgher are comically ejected from the ground by giant springs, and are replaced by Ray Hudson and Jerry 'The King' Lawler. After a double take, who's that suspended in lycra? It was Earl Hebner all along, they've brought him back from the dead and boy can the man sing.

The ball is in the net and it's Dummett from 83 yards with a literal rocket in his boots. Not even the great Gordon Banks, aided by a gas-propelled jetpack, could get anywhere near it. Golden Goal rules and Newcastle United win the tie by 1 goal to 5. A stage rises from the centre circle and we're joined by Toots & The Maytals, "Pressure Drop", a fitting end to a cracking game of football. The tigers burst into a puff of smoke and Penn & Teller emmerge, a staircase cascades from the heavens and Bobby Robson joins them on the pitch.

The moat fills with champagne and fireworks erupt above St James' Park, home of Europe's largest indoor rollercoaster. A pit roast hog is served, a dance is shared, and an effigy of Howard Webb is set ablaze.

It's been a fantastic night in the North East as a scale projection of the Twin Towers dominates the skyline. The band is winding down and Earl has taken over the vocals. Sir Bobby heads back towards the staircase, which is now an escalator, with Sharron Tate and August Ames on his arm. "That'll do for me son" he says with a wry smile. We all clap.

 

 

Edited August 8, 2023 by Hanshithispantz

[gbandit]

Deserves more than a like 

[Interpolic]

 

[The Butcher]

Sensational stuff

[Yorkie]

 one of the great minds of our time. 

[Miggys First Goal]

There’s actually no way to follow up to something like that. Just killed the thread. 

 

Anyway, if this happens, I’ll allow it. 
 

 

[FloydianMag]

Big 7, what’s Spurs doing in there??

[Miggys First Goal]

Sorry, but a team that finished 12th can’t be considered a big 7 club. 

[Yorkie]

Hendrick and Fraser, to save you clickng. 

[Miggys First Goal]

Quote

Despite the departures of - deep breath - Kai Havertz, Mason Mount, Mateo Kovacic, Christian Pulisic, Kalidou Koulibaly, Ruben Loftus-Cheek, Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, Edouard Mendy, Dujon Sterling, Baba Rahman, N'Golo Kante, Cesar Azpilicueta, Tiemoue Bakayoko and David Fofana - there's still too many players on the books.

That’s fucking ridiculous like. 

[Yorkie]

Squad of 34 according to Transfermarkt. Putting even its bloatedness to one side, its full of overpriced crap, players on the wane, talented but limited players, and raw youngsters. Fuming if this lot has a good season. 

 

Keepers (4):

Sanchez, Kepa, Bettinelli, Slonina

 

Full-backs (6):

Chilwell, Cucarella, Maatsen, Hall, James, Melo

 

Centre-backs (7):

Fofana, Badiashile, Colwill, Disasi, Chalobah, Sarr, Silva

 

Wide players (7):

Sterling, Mudryk, Hudson-Odoi, Moreira, Madueke, Ziyech, Angelo

 

Centre-mids (6):

Enzo, Santos, Ugochukwu, Gallagher, Chukwuemeka, Casadei

 

Strikers (4):

Lukaku, Jackson, Broja, Nkunku

[FloydianMag]

 

[The College Dropout]

2 minutes ago, Yorkie said:

Squad of 34 according to Transfermarkt. Putting even its bloatedness to one side, its full of overpriced crap, players on the wane, talented but limited players, and raw youngsters. Fuming if this lot has a good season. 

 

Keepers (4):

Sanchez, Kepa, Bettinelli, Slonina

 

Full-backs (6):

Chilwell, Cucarella, Maatsen, Hall, James, Melo

 

Centre-backs (7):

Fofana, Badiashile, Colwill, Disasi, Chalobah, Sarr, Silva

 

Wide players (7):

Sterling, Mudryk, Hudson-Odoi, Moreira, Madueke, Ziyech, Angelo

 

Centre-mids (6):

Enzo, Santos, Ugochukwu, Gallagher, Chukwuemeka, Casadei

 

Strikers (4):

Lukaku, Jackson, Broja, Nkunku

I think they could get a couple more here.

 

Some of these are u20 I think.

[madras]

Just passed a coach on Stamfordham Road with a "Queens Park Football Club" sign in the front window. Behind closed doors friendly ? Can't think where else it would be going.

[christ]

18 hours ago, Yorkie said:

 

From the Hartlepool friendly a year later:

 

  Hide contents

"I think it is quiet - whether we're all enthralled by what's happening with the Olympics I don't know - I certainly am, it's been fantastic.....we've thoroughly enjoyed it. Maybe we should all concentrate a little bit more on the transfer market now.

"The transfer window is still open so everybody's vulnerable when you're a side like us. You try to protect them by knowing that someone will have to pay top, top money for one of our players."

 

 

(We'd just finished fifth)

I miss his excuses like. 
 

The Olympics

[SUPERTOON]

 

[r0cafella]

6 minutes ago, SUPERTOON said:

 

Classic dicky washing’s his hands on any problems. 

[Tiresias]

Some time this century?

[Froggy]

If City get stripped of everything that'll mean Pardew qualified for the Champions League.