Ronaldo

Same. Was spotted necking pints with Carroll in town not long after he signed IIRC The Diamond in Ponteland. More than once he's been smashed in there, actually.

The best thing John Gibson ever did was write a preposterous article that was ultimately responsible for Alan Oliver getting attacked by Robert after that Spurs game in late 2002.

We'd have had to score for that to happen.

I think he'll do well, but we can't be completely reliant on him and Gayle. Especially Mitro. We need a 3rd source of goals up there.

Look what he did to Norwich last season, man. He was barely out of 2nd gear all game. He'd piss all over this league.

Crouch is 36 in a few months. Can't stand him, either. No thanks.

You would say that, though. You think it's more important for a CB to be able to dribble than win the ball in the air.

Benitez's mantra has always been compact. I doubt that'll change, as much as I think it probably should in this league.

To be fair it sounds like one of his better recent performances.

Benitez himself says we need at least one more striker. He's not gonna get rid of arguably the best one we have, man.

Lascelles was nowhere near Smith, nobody else's fault but his.

At a guess, that entire article's been made up.

Two of the three main candidates for the England job, by the way. The other (successful) one paid £7m for a knackered Alan Smith. They inject passion, mind.

The problem isn't the players we've bought, it's the lack of them, and the woeful quality of the players we couldn't shift this summer.

Meanwhile Vurnon Anita's in his position here.

Your humour is so dry it's shrivelled up and died.

Disgrace if we don't have a striker in before then.

If anyone in our squad could play the Nolan role - behind two strikers picking up on loose/late balls - it's de Jong, certainly. Unfortunately he's about as durable as wet toilet paper.

Not sure about that. He's probably a couple of years away from being a good DM given that experience that position requires and in an attacking sense he won't give you as much as Shelvey.

He created a few chances that nobody attacked and would have won a penalty if not for appalling refereeing. If you don't think he was our best player by far last night you're a bit of an idiot, frankly.

£17m might get us two good players at a push. I'd rather just have Sissoko.

That's the way to stand out from the crowd in the Championship, like. Plenty of width and tempo, just take the rubbish apart. None of this flood the midfield crap.

Not a massive fan but he's the least of our worries. RB's not a problem position.

He might still be a month or two away, regardless, I think he's still our best keeper. He has precisely no competition whatsoever for that accolade, like.

He's definitely Prem quality. Unfortunately I don't think we've got too many cut from that cloth.