Ronaldo

He looks like he has an Italian dad and a mum from Wallsend.

I'm gonna be laughing at this shit all day.

Pardew said he was injured again on Sat.

Is that Steve Simonsen?

I know he wasn't serious about them being too big for the biggest club competition in the world, like. Just saying, they're a small club with huge success. You can't expect them to produce the same support as certain other sides in the CL.

City aren't too big for anything. They're a second-rate club from the underbelly of a city associated with one of the biggest clubs in world football who've simply been paid well as a rich Arab's whore.

Souness was saying he wanted them to be more cautious away from home.

Why the fuck did someone tell me 1-1 would take Roma through? I'm angry now.

I could be wrong but I think they qualify with a draw unless it's a high scoring one - 2-2 and up.

Tbf to him it's only 13c in Barcelona right now. He must be fucking frozen.

Armed men forced their way into his house, had a conversation with his family and then left? I've had Colombia all wrong, like.

Tbf I'd rather watch Juan Mata over Willian or Ramires. But football isn't that simple. Ryan Taylor's crap, though. Hatem isn't. That much is quite simple.

Eh?

He's the worst Dutchman I've heard for his English, like. Embarrassing.

I never knew how to pronounce it, foreign word to an American. I heard the commentator say it, assumed it was right - then googled it - then heard how it was on wikipedia, etc. Mate I still remember your effort to pronounce Morecambe (who'd we'd just played in the LC) in the bar. I was absolutely perplexed as to what you were talking about for a good 20 seconds.

That match couldn't have gone much better, like. Shockingly mediocre outfit without Suarez.

Why throw his hand out like some slapper trying to fend off a drunken oaf? Horrible bastards getting what they deserve.

Major brain freeze, there. Just couldn't find my way to attendant somehow.

I got talking to an air stewardess - or whatever the term is for a male who pushes the trolley and tells folk to fasten seatbelts - on the way to Florida in August who happened to be a Forest fan and couldn't have given a more favourable appraisal of Darlow. Said he was a brilliant keeper and was gutted to be losing him.

African press?

I could almost understand him talking that way about a CM to instil an incentive to prove himself. About a GK it's absolutely beyond retarded as physically pushing yourself doesn't come into play. Confident and relaxed means they'll get the basics right and develop from there.

I think his link-up play was adequate. I could barely care less about that aspect of his game if he's scoring more than a goal every other game in our team, mind.

Mojo's a smashing lad but he doesn't half get confused. Like everyone else there's players I rate, really rate, don't rate and feel indifferent about.

I'd forgotten beating Swansea 3-1 at home constitutes a monumental managerial achievement, like.