Elbel1

Started the great fire of London. The b$%^&*ds

I was in subway today and asked the girl behind the counter for the biggest, greasiest and most expensive sub that they do. The girl said 'no problem sir, one Andy Carroll coming up'

I vote sugared lilac after his heart finally packs in

Great plan apart from 2 points Firstly Maiga will also be playing in the ACN and secondly Maiga will also be playing in the ACN . Technically I realise that it is the same point twice but it is such a biggie that I thought it was worth repeating

No

Don't forget about all of the Mars Bars that Agent Bruce munched on during the game. Bet they were covered in batter as well

I get a weekly spam email from Steve Bruce listing all his excuses from the previous seven days. They only started arriving in August so I'm not sure what happens when they win. Please note that this joke only works if you delete the 4-0 freak result against Stoke from your memory

I imagine him to be more like Brian Blessed (If Brian Blessed had a serious drinking problem)

Just spotted this on the BBC football page http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-15075141 Some sweaty sock bet £100 on 4 Scottish teams to win by at least 4 goals He collected over £100,000 Yes, that's right, I said over one hundred thousand pounds!

Titus Shambles made it into Garth Crooks team of the week Here is the BBC's premier league experts quite unbelivable comments TITUS BRAMBLE Centre-back Sunderland At his peak he is one of the best defenders in the country and against a powerful Stoke outfit he was. When Titus plays Sunderland seldom lose. Another clean sheet to add to his name. Did you know? Bramble misplaced just one pass in his own half this weekend.

It's either Tiote or the Mekon from Dan Dare

Heard the same about Rosicky. I've just made up exactly the same thing about Dyer

Croatia Bosnia Denmark France Carlisle £20 stake Possible £325.36 return

Only £78k Has he been snatched by Dr Evil?

When have I ever suggested that? Fool. I can actually imagine you talking like George Takei. You're probably a lot more girly than him though... for some strange reason I can picture you talking like Mahatma Gandhi, god knows why. Because I am a pre-eminent ideological leader? Cheers dude. I can pictuire you wandering the streets trying to gain support against an oppressive regime while wearing a towel Thats about as much as you hav ein common with Mr Gandi

Nigeria and Chelsea star John Obi Mikel's father has been kidnapped in Nigeria, according to his management. Michael Obi has not been seen or heard from since he failed to return home from work on Friday in Jos, the capital of central Nigerian Plateau state. "John Obi Mikel's father was abducted in Nigeria on Friday," SEM Group said on Twitter. The player was told before Sunday's Premier League game between Chelsea and Stoke City, but decided to play. SEM said no ransom demand had yet been received and that Obi had decided to play in the match "so as not to let down his team and family". His family told the BBC that they have had no contact with Obi senior but believe he is "safe and well". The Chelsea player's agent John Ola Shittu said that everybody in the family remains hopeful. "It's been tough for the young man," Shittu said. "The family in Jos reported him missing at the police station as expected but we're taking all necessary measures to find him." "We've told him to be brave and to stay calm." Shittu said the family has also not heard from anyone claiming to hold Obi senior. Continue reading the main story It's been tough for the young man John Ola Shittu John Obi Mikel's agent Kidnappings - more often of oil workers, the rich and famous - are a common occurrence in Nigeria. Footballers and their families are increasingly being targetted. In July 2008, the elder brother of Nigerian and Everton defender Joseph Yobo was seized in Port Harcourt, where kidnappings for ransom are most frequent. It was not clear if a ransom was paid but Nornu Yobo was released after being held for almost two weeks.

Just saw this on BBC website http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/14528369.stm

Spurs have bid for the local player Winston Robatelli

Because we're run by monkey semen fucktards Translation please ? Every time i give you a link in french, i try to help you to understand... so can you do the same please ? If not Alow me to help you out monkey semen fucktard in french is: l'monkey spunk neesy

Should donate a pound. I've got £65 to pay a soon to be incoming £70 bill atm Put it all on Motherwell to win tomorrow

Lovenkrands and Shola?

Is that a quote from Ian Huntley? Harsh but I laughed. Thnak you I am looking forward to meeting you in hell

Is that a quote from Ian Huntley?

It is also being shown on a big screen that has been erected on the town moor There will also be a travelling circus there for the kids and a firework display at full time Someone told me that red arrows will be doing a half time display but thats sounds a bit over the top

Could it just be an elaborate ploy by Parde wto get cwarr off twitter? I reckon as soon as that account is cancelled N'Zogbie will pitch up at St James