Elbel1

Bit of a non-starter for me He scored a huge pay rise when he left and there is no way that I can see us coming close to matching what he 'earns' now If Racistpool are desperate to get rid and will pay 50% of his wages then maybe but not remotly likely to happen

I have just heard that John Terrys defence will be that he's not racist as some of his best friends wives are black

We all know his top target will be Emile 'goal machine' Heskey

I can't believe he's came out with that line. You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family

It's obviously an acronym for Athletically Challeged Employee

FYP FYP

But... 'Everything in life' is in Black & White. At least in that poster it is... I don't get this. Within two weeks there will be a picture taken of that 'advert' with someone covering the word not with their jacket

Liverpool v QPR I'm normally one of Liverpool's most severe critics (really???) but I thought they were unlucky in losing at Fulham on Monday. The Jay Spearing tackle [for which he was sent off] would not even have got a yellow five years ago - it was just a good, strong tackle for me - and if he doesn't get sent off, Liverpool don't lose in my opinion. But such is life, and Liverpool have to pick themselves up. This weekend QPR are in town and Neil Warnock's boys have enjoyed a lot more success on the road than at home this season. The thing with Liverpool, though, is that I think they're about to beat someone quite heavily at home. I just think someone's going to get rolled over. That could be this weekend. Prediction: 2-0 Since when has losing 2-0 been a heavy defeat?

Arsenal v Everton Arsenal may have lost in the Champions League in midweek but forget about that, manager Arsene Wenger took the chance to rest a few players and I've no problem with that. It'll be a huge relief to Arsene to know that the BBC's self appointed football expert agreed with his team selection

Andy Carroll

Started the great fire of London. The b$%^&*ds

I was in subway today and asked the girl behind the counter for the biggest, greasiest and most expensive sub that they do. The girl said 'no problem sir, one Andy Carroll coming up'

I vote sugared lilac after his heart finally packs in

Great plan apart from 2 points Firstly Maiga will also be playing in the ACN and secondly Maiga will also be playing in the ACN . Technically I realise that it is the same point twice but it is such a biggie that I thought it was worth repeating

No

Don't forget about all of the Mars Bars that Agent Bruce munched on during the game. Bet they were covered in batter as well

I get a weekly spam email from Steve Bruce listing all his excuses from the previous seven days. They only started arriving in August so I'm not sure what happens when they win. Please note that this joke only works if you delete the 4-0 freak result against Stoke from your memory

I imagine him to be more like Brian Blessed (If Brian Blessed had a serious drinking problem)

Just spotted this on the BBC football page http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-15075141 Some sweaty sock bet £100 on 4 Scottish teams to win by at least 4 goals He collected over £100,000 Yes, that's right, I said over one hundred thousand pounds!

Titus Shambles made it into Garth Crooks team of the week Here is the BBC's premier league experts quite unbelivable comments TITUS BRAMBLE Centre-back Sunderland At his peak he is one of the best defenders in the country and against a powerful Stoke outfit he was. When Titus plays Sunderland seldom lose. Another clean sheet to add to his name. Did you know? Bramble misplaced just one pass in his own half this weekend.

It's either Tiote or the Mekon from Dan Dare

Heard the same about Rosicky. I've just made up exactly the same thing about Dyer

Croatia Bosnia Denmark France Carlisle £20 stake Possible £325.36 return

Only £78k Has he been snatched by Dr Evil?

When have I ever suggested that? Fool. I can actually imagine you talking like George Takei. You're probably a lot more girly than him though... for some strange reason I can picture you talking like Mahatma Gandhi, god knows why. Because I am a pre-eminent ideological leader? Cheers dude. I can pictuire you wandering the streets trying to gain support against an oppressive regime while wearing a towel Thats about as much as you hav ein common with Mr Gandi