Pilko

Didn't realise Allardyce was that old.

Come to think of it, I remember some gadgey getting "BIG SAM 1" on the back of his shirt in JJB Sports last summer.

Fattison and Paye.

This. We've only worn it once to my knowledge, the Carling Cup game away at Arsenal.

Pattison actually looked a class little player when he had that poodle on his head, the 3-0 home win against WBA stands out as he was excellent that day. Since he went for the ginger baldy look it was downhill all the way though. Only Roeder stupid enough to buy the fat bastard. Pattison, Amdy Faye and Steven Carr btw.

So who'll be playing alongside that talentless clogger Nosworthy if he's crocked?

Awesome. He's one of them small, nippy wingers who goes for the direct approach and doesn't fanny round with too many tricks. Hope he makes it.

Jonny Godsmark has impressed me every time I've seen him. Has he been offered a pro contract yet?

Would love to see Andy Reid try and defend against Oba Martins.

Chopra's celebration when he made it 1-1.

No, Shearer behaved admirably restraining himself because he had more sense than to go and get himself sent off.

http://images.orgill.com/200x200/2705903.jpg Geremi delivers yet another flat corner.

Shearer had a habit of standing up to the players with "harder" reputations - there was that time he made sure Neil Lennon had mouth insurance.

According to de lads Keano is a right hard man on de training ground.

I'd take a draw right now.

All very meh rumours. Sure we've been linked with all of these players before as well. As usual, I'll wait until I see an interview with Keegan catergorically stating he wants these players before I believe anything.

I can't really remember what Owen was like in that game, but I remember Ameobi looked like he was on smack.

Enrique or Beye could surely deliver better corners than Geremi? In fact, fuck it. Let's get Harper to take them.

I was going to make an additional gag about you possibly being Alan Oliver, then I realised he'd be calling you.

I rang Arsene last night and asked him what he thought about this article. He said he couldn't possibly comment, because he didn't see it.

I've put a fiver on Defoe first goal, Newcastle to win - 55/1.

Harper Beye Faye Taylor(Edgar) Enrique Geremi Barton Butt Owen Martins Viduka(Carroll) Bench: Forster, Duff, Edgar(Diatta), Carroll(Smith), N'Zogbia The side I want to see. ^

I'm sure it was former Pompey chairman Milan Mandaric who said: "There's only one way to become a millionaire in the football owners game - by starting off a billionaire." Wise words.

Ramage - a mess of everything

Emre