Pilko

Yeah, but we don't have any talent to start with.

So Martins and Postman Pat upfront for Monday night?

You've spelt Forster wrong. Would also have to have Krul and Soderberg in there IMO. You need to put Forster into your sig.

There's more chance that Steve Harper will score than Smith.

For me, the central midfield pairing will decide a long way whether we win or not. Butt and Barton, no. Butt and Geremi, no. Geremi and N'Zogbia, not sure. Butt and N'Zogbia, maybe. Butt and Faye, no. Barton and Faye, no. Faye and N'Zogbia, probably the best we can do. Harper Beye-Cacapa-Edgar-Enrique Milner-Faye-N'Zogbia-Duff (Martins-Viduka-Carroll-Owen) any pair.

Hope we sign Sagna

Oh and I'm very confident that Smith won't score this season. How embarrasing.

I remember one of the advertising hoardings at the Reebok said "Carrs Pasties". That's why he's so fat and why he's moving to Bolton. Sherlock.

On his arse. Except I mean the bench at Wigan, not as he usually was when a through ball was pitched to an opposing striker.

It is not possible to shoe-horn Smith in any longer, he's had long enough and hasn't delivered. Carroll > Smith

Players NOT listed in order here... Goalkeepers Friedel Cech Reina James Howard Right backs Beye Sagna Finnan L. Young Lauren Left backs Bridge A. Cole Evra Clichy Bouma Centre backs Vidic Samba Lescott Woodgate Terry Right wingers Ronaldo A. Young S. Wright-Phillips Bentley Hleb Left wingers Arteta M. Petrov J. Cole Babel Kranjcar Centre midfielders Cahill Carrick Essien Mascherano Gerrard Strikers Torres Berbatov Adebayor Rooney Yakubu

Playing Martins on the right wing is like trying to make a cat sit in a bucket of freezing water. He just drifts inside because he is a striker, leaving us with no width on the right hand side, therefore the right back tucks in and there's less space for Viduka or whoever to try and get a shot away from central positions. With Milner injured, either Duff or Geremi should play wide right - the right probably suiting Duff more because he nearly always cuts inside anyway. But Martins on the right would be an utter abortion of an idea.

Mark Viduka is greedier than any of the Reading strikers. Free barbie and a few corkin' Sheila's?

And play who instead? A midfield 4 of Geremi RM, Butt CM, N'Zogbia CM and Duff LM. Barton on the bench, or in the stands.

We need to stop starting Joey Barton every time he's available. No touch, can't pass, head down, just the epitomy of a poor player. £5.8m that could have gone to Sport Relief, Mike.

And what makes you so sure of that? Every time the ball comes into our box you'd think it was a bomb or something, the way the defenders panic. Every time the opposition scores we fold like a pack of cards. Every time we miss a good chance heads drop. thats the spirit son, stay positive heh. wish I could, but until I see a starting 11 that doesn't include Barton, Smith and Taylor I'm dead pessimistic about any of our chances. While I'm on the subject of Taylor, someone give the lad a gobstopper. He's in the Chronicle every week saying we need to cut out the mistakes and play as a team - him being our saviour, the next England captain and such. Kev needs to ring the changes and fast. Too many players are in the team on merit.

And what makes you so sure of that? Every time the ball comes into our box you'd think it was a bomb or something, the way the defenders panic. Every time the opposition scores we fold like a pack of cards. Every time we miss a good chance heads drop.

Harper Beye-Faye-Cacapa-Enrique Geremi-Butt-N'Zogbia-Duff Owen-Carroll Bench: Forster, Taylor, Barton, Viduka, Martins Smith needs to be out of the 16. Taylor has been poor recently and needs to be dropped so that he is aware his place isn't 100% guaranteed, Carroll's reserve form means he needs to be given a start. We can't change our style of play until the summer and new players arrive - our current style is hit-and-hope long ball stuff. Smith never wins any headers, Carroll's main strength is winning headers and flick-ons. Perfect for Owen, no?