christ

And here’s me walking around the house at 9:45am turning on every laptop, phone and iPad like a fucking mug.

Have you taken over an Apple Store?

Lowest was somewhere in the 9,000

Third kits and away kits are pretty much interchangeable now.

Not entirely clear on how this is meant to work - does the queue management system just randomise your position at 10am? So as long as you’re in it you’ll have a chance?

Always expect to see Gordon Brittas outside.

I can see us ‘pulling out’ and then the transfer eventually going through in a few weeks time. We’ve had a deal agreed with Reims for about a month now. For all the talk of Dortmund, PSG, Madrid etc their counter offers are conspicuously absent. It doesn’t suggest that the great and good of European football are that desperate to get their hands on him - at least not at the price we’re willing to pay. I’m not suggesting that is a warning sign, but it does look like his agent is overplaying his hand. The minute we fuck off I reckon everyone will come to his senses.

It’s going to get properly deranged if they end up struggling at the foot of the table most of the season.

We just need to bin this one off now. Yes, we might end up missing out on a huge generational talent but our approach is about getting the right character just as much as it is ability. Having this lad’s agent twatting around behind the scenes is going to be a constant fucking headache.

We didn’t gan on like this when Steve Cram won his silver medal.

Theoretically we could spend a fortune but it could impact our ability to invest in future windows. You’d think the club recognise that level we’re going to be competing at in a few years is going to require greater financial flexibility hence the reason we’re being quite conservative. Last thing you want to do is try and speed run it like Everton and be lumbered with a load of shit on massive contracts.

Oh aye, forgot about him.

I wouldn’t mind Eriksen and Toney.

If Cornet has £12m release clause we should be all over that. Versatile, knows where the net is, would settle in quickly as we already own half of Burnley’s squad.

It might happen from time to time but if that was Plan A I don’t think they’d have signed Targett. The depth and versatility we have at the back now is quite insane. It’s only really left back where I think we lack an obvious PL quality replacement should Targett get injured but I suppose Manq and Trippier can both fill in if necessary.

Not fast though.

I don’t believe it yet. Italian press has been about as reliable as Burnsie so far this summer.

Theo Paphitis says it’s done.

Who’d have thought it was just as tedious as fuck being linked with every cunt as being linked with no one? Wake me up on the last day of the transfer window.

I’m obviously going to try but I’m not sure I can deal with the stress tbh

Good might be stretching it like. He made some showreel saves, but he waved quite a few in. Never seen a keeper play for us with so little knowledge of where his near post was.

Pope would be a sensible investment. Not too pricey, proven at PL level, provides much stiffer competition for Dubs who has had quite a few injuries in recent seasons. Incremental improvements to the squad are just as important as bringing big names during the immediate term. We need depth too.

Or he’s retiring after his leg exploded.

Happy? I’d wank myself red raw.

Old fashioned probably the operative term. Local sports journos are just chained to their desks and expected to turn out clickbait shite nowadays.