Nucasol

Agreed. He was gash for Burnley. Surely we can find someone more fitting for half the price?

Villa 2-1 Man City Brentford 2-1 Forest Ipswich 1-2 Newcastle West Ham 1-1 Brighton Palace 0-2 Arsenal Everton 1-3 Chelsea Fulham 2-0 Southampton Leicester 1-1 Wolves Man United 2-1 Bournemouth Spurs 2-2 Liverpool

Here they’re going to Rohl with it, maybe even Rohl the dice.

Torn retina.

I’m sure it will be happy when he’s motorboating Lucy Pinder whilst thinking about what to spend his payoff money on.

Gundogan coming back has been a disasterclass. Shot to pieces and gets caught more than Bruno.

Drury with the word “climax”.

Man Utd fans heard for the first time in the 89th minute. Standard.

Don’t think I’d be asking for Nunes in any Bruno transfer. Absolute car crash today.

Hallelujah, off goes the Primark Maxi

Knuckles full of zit juice if you did.

And the crowd go mild?

Has the feeling, atmosphere and quality of Brighton v Palace this. Light years from previous incarnations under Ferguson, Pep and others.

Got the joys of Champion and the personality vacuum that is Lee Dixon. Couldn’t face Drury and his soliloquies.

Don’t Citeh just pack it full of Chinese students from the local unis?

Thought Rashford might have been on another tequila bender. Squad leaking is particularly snakey.

Hobo Jim

What have Rashford and Garnacho been up to?

Would be great to see them go down, Molineux is a ball bag of an away day in an armpit of a town. Would rather have WBA up from that part of the world.

Big Pete will be writing the intro monologue already. Betting it involves The Smiths, Stone Roses, Oasis, Happy Mondays, the Hacienda, Cantona, Kanchelskis, Shaun Goater, Brian Kidd, Tyrone and Fiz from Corrie and Dr Brian Cox.

He’s toast.