Jump to content

Twitter


Thespence

Recommended Posts

Guest BooBoo

Just had a tweet from Mark Bright after winding him up about Uruguay "clearly being the better team".

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Fake Andy Townsend- superb!

 

Sweepstake in the studio on what nationality Marcel Desailly will pretend to be if Ghana go out. I've got Spain.  :lol:

 

Some of the older big Sam ones. I'm addicted to this.

 

My mate Fusty Steve says I don't have the guts to shove a Cornetto up my arse. We'll see about that.

 

Have some of that, Steve. Whether it's mind games, technological prowess or inserting ice creams into my anus - Big Sam can't be beat.

 

The missus loves my big, thick sausage fingers. Loves it when I use 'em in bed. "Come on, Big Sam," she pleads. "Give us the digitry."

 

Trying to come up with a nickname for the wife's genitalia. My preferred suggestions so far are "cookie", "elderflower" and "cock-socket".

 

Dressed like a judge for my walk today. Shouted "overruled!" to any ugly lass I saw and "how do you plead??" to all the foreigners

 

 

Came in to the house to find the wife taking a piss in a child's potty. I pretended I was okay with it, but I'm not sure I am.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Fake Andy Townsend- superb!

 

Sweepstake in the studio on what nationality Marcel Desailly will pretend to be if Ghana go out. I've got Spain.  :lol:

 

Some of the older big Sam ones. I'm addicted to this.

 

My mate Fusty Steve says I don't have the guts to shove a Cornetto up my arse. We'll see about that.

 

Have some of that, Steve. Whether it's mind games, technological prowess or inserting ice creams into my anus - Big Sam can't be beat.

 

The missus loves my big, thick sausage fingers. Loves it when I use 'em in bed. "Come on, Big Sam," she pleads. "Give us the digitry."

 

Trying to come up with a nickname for the wife's genitalia. My preferred suggestions so far are "cookie", "elderflower" and "cock-socket".

 

Dressed like a judge for my walk today. Shouted "overruled!" to any ugly lass I saw and "how do you plead??" to all the foreigners

 

 

Came in to the house to find the wife taking a piss in a child's potty. I pretended I was okay with it, but I'm not sure I am.

 

 

;D Thats just amazing. Fucking hell

Link to post
Share on other sites

problem with twitter and the like is this fucker who's making everyone laugh is probably a socially retarded recluse sitting being funny and never interacting with real people

Why is that a problem?
Link to post
Share on other sites

problem with twitter and the like is this fucker who's making everyone laugh is probably a socially retarded recluse sitting being funny and never interacting with real people

Why is that a problem?

well it's not for, me i'd imagine it would be for any such dude, or should be

 

but yeah whatever, lap it up, personally don't see how a dude writing random shit is as funny as is being made out but knock yourselves out

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest je85

problem with twitter and the like is this fucker who's making everyone laugh is probably a socially retarded recluse sitting being funny and never interacting with real people

Why is that a problem?

well it's not for, me i'd imagine it would be for any such dude, or should be

 

but yeah whatever, lap it up, personally don't see how a dude writing random shit is as funny as is being made out but knock yourselves out

 

It won't be random.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guinness_fiend

problem with twitter and the like is this f***er who's making everyone laugh is probably a socially retarded recluse sitting being funny and never interacting with real people

 

You mean like forums? ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites

More from TheBig_Sam:

 

My neighbour's teenage daughter asked me earlier if I was Team Edward or Team Jacob. "Team Away For A Wank," I replied. Silly cow.

 

Fuck sake. Another text from Kerry Katona. "I miss your kindness and your filthy fingers, Big Sam. Can you lend me a score?". We had a nasty fling last year. She turned up pissed at my house at Xmas, waving a turkey baster & shouting "marinade me fanny, Big Sam!".

 

When I eat a Walnup Whip I never eat the actual Walnut. I just put them into a bin liner. Been doing this for years now. Never knew what to do with this massive bag of nuts. Until the wife spoke out of turn last night and got a Walnut-based thrashing. No joke.

 

I just ate a pot of jam with my fingers. My fingers are all sticky but I don't mind cos I really love jam.

 

I've had an erection since 11.14am. I've had six wanks and three cold showers and I can't get rid of the fucker. I even tried running into the wall full pelt, but it bounced back up like a fucking Weeble. Could have sworn the bastard was smirking at me.

 

Quality  ;D

Link to post
Share on other sites

TheBig_Sam:

 

That whining bellend of a milkman called today again, demanding money from me.

 

He got all up in my grill & yelled: "You owe me £36.86, you fat twat. Milk isn't free. You see me walking about with my own cow, nobhead?"

 

I put my hand in my pocket & said "Oh yeah, I've got something for you". But then I pull out a middle finger & brandish it in his shit face.

 

By this stage he's nearly fucking crying. He's shouting "You're a celebrity! You're minted! My kids need new shoes!!". Fucking hilarious.

 

I ended the altercation in typical fashion. I ripped off my shirt and sang 'Party Hard' by Andrew WK at him. Paying For Milk 0 - 1 Big Sam.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...