TaylorJ_01 Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 · John Carver walks into a bank in Newcastle. He walks up to the teller and says: “I’d like to withdraw £5,000 please”. The teller replies “Certainly sir! All I need is to see some identification.” Carver, taken aback, replies “This is really embarrassing. But I don’t have any I.D. on me. But I’m John Carver. You can ask anybody around here. They will tell you who I am.” The teller replies sternly “I know who you are sir. But I still need some sort of proof of identification. I’m sorry.” Bemused, Carver asks “is there really nothing you can do?” The teller says “Well. There is one thing. A number of years ago we had this same situation with Obafemi Martins. Obafemi came in without any form of I.D. to prove who he was. So he said he would prove it by doing something an impostor couldn’t possibly do. He set a football down in the street outside. He then proceeded to kick it as hard as he possibly could. He kicked the ball so far, we knew it had to be him.” John replies: “Interesting. Were there any other cases?” The teller smiles and replies:”Yes actually. Not one year ago we had Hatem Ben Arfa in. Same problem again. So Hatem proceeds to put the ball on the floor, and starts juggling it with his feet. He goes on to do a number of tricks, and we knew it absolutely had to be him. “So Sir, is there anything you could do to prove to us who you are?” the teller asks. Carver stops to think for a minute. He shakes his head and replies “I can’t think of anything at all. I’m not sure if there’s a solution here. Honestly, I Dont have a clue..” The teller asks “Will that be large or small notes sir?” Quite like it. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Interpolic Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Good, that. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmojorisin75 Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NEEJ Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
biggs Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 If Carver gets the job, Ashley should be taken to an FA tribunal. He's worse than that cunt who was owning Leeds. Not a single decision is based on the footballing side. perfect storm if its true carver gets the job and it will show the football world how incompetent Ashley is and how poor Carver is ,guaranteed relegation and all self inflicted ,iv actually hate Carver more than Pardew for the simple fact he is a geordie who has sold his soul to the devil along with Beardsley and Moncur Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mattoon Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 If Carver gets the job, Ashley should be taken to an FA tribunal. He's worse than that c*** who was owning Leeds. Not a single decision is based on the footballing side. perfect storm if its true carver gets the job and it will show the football world how incompetent Ashley is and how poor Carver is ,guaranteed relegation and all self inflicted ,iv actually hate Carver more than Pardew for the simple fact he is a geordie who has sold his soul to the devil along with Beardsley and Moncur Even this won't wake some of our supporters up, the loudest possible action Ashley could take at this point in not caring about the club in the slightest and the sheep will still be "getting behind the manager and the boys" "give him a chance with a full squad let's see what he can do" "the real test is summer iyam" feckless idiots. Let's back a toady, subservient, sycophantic nonentity, that will go well. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skeletor Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decky Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 I'm not one bit surprised if he gets it man, it's a text book Ashley fuck up. Where do we go from here like? Relegation and a terrible season guaranteed next year. How do we even find an interest anymore? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest chopey Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 the scary thing for me is that I will get more pleasure seeing Ashley fail than seeing Newcastle succeed Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
biggs Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 the scary thing for me is that I will get more pleasure seeing Ashley fail than seeing Newcastle succeed me too as i must be only one in bar watching match hoping opposition win apart from mackems Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
La Parka Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Take your support elsewhere, there's loads of clubs desperate for your support and these clubs have ambition. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeloEmre Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 http://www.skunkers.net/showthread.php?t=78097 This guy is usually spot on with team news i think. Doesn't look good Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Collage Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 http://www.skunkers.net/showthread.php?t=78097 This guy is usually spot on with team news i think. Doesn't look good Need to be logged in to see that, what does it say? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeloEmre Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Danger Mouse is the poster. Bad news gentleman, my source has just finished a meeting with the whole first team squad, Carver has informed them that he WILL be manager/ first team coach next season. He also assured them that funds would be spent. If you needed another reason to boycott Sunday then this is it. Fucking disgraceful!!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallace Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 If that is true then Ashley is guaranteeing relegation next season. I can't believe that he wants that so he is either more stupid that I can imagine regarding football or is is planning to go but to leave an almighty mess for someone to clear up after him. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ponsaelius Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 The day Ashley dies will be like winning a trophy. Honestly would support it being on our official honours list. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
biggs Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Take your support elsewhere, there's loads of clubs desperate for your support and these clubs have ambition. ? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ElCid Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Danger Mouse is the poster. Bad news gentleman, my source has just finished a meeting with the whole first team squad, Carver has informed them that he WILL be manager/ first team coach next season. He also assured them that funds would be spent. If you needed another reason to boycott Sunday then this is it. f***ing disgraceful!!! If this is true and I never thought I'd hear my saying this but I hope we lose every match until the end of the season and stay up in 17th place to put the fucking shits up the fat cockney cunt. And to all of you who are going to the match on Sunday - you deserve this club in it's present state, you deserve this imbecile as the manager, you deserve this fat cockney cunt taking the piss out of you time and time again and you deserve the utter dross being presented on that field!!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest chopey Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Ashley won't risk the massive 2016/2017 tv deal a he is a proven liar and has told Carver he's got the job in order to keep us up this season. he'll be back putting cones out the Monday after the season ends Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallace Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Ashley won't risk the massive 2016/2017 tv deal a he is a proven liar and has told Carver he's got the job in order to keep us up this season. he'll be back putting cones out the Monday after the season ends Well they do talk in fork tongues. Last time Shearer spoke to Ashley, he parted thinking he had the job permanently and then never heard from him again. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Whilst I struggle to believe even these stupid cunts would see Carver as capable of keeping us up, those long contracts are what worry me. Though it seems mental to think Ashley didn't make it easy to get out of with little cost. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest neesy111 Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Carver surely can't be on that much. 5k a week max surely? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Crooks Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Needs this cunt gone and an investment of about 60 million just to stand still. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nattfare Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Carver surely can't be on that much. 5k a week max surely? Probably more like a pie a day and a new lipstick every two weeks. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 @Neilfarrington Today's tweet by @elgalgojonas suggests talk of a significant meeting at #nufc today was bang on the money.. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now