Dokko Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 A mackem wrote the Blaydon Races just so he could burn it, but a freak gust of wind saw the paper it was written on whisked away on the night sky, landing somewhere in Tyneside. FFS, keep posting shit in the wrong thread today. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Mike Ashley has always had a master plan. Relegation was just his way of throwing every one else off our scent. They've got to be vaguely believable mate. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarrenBartonCentrePartin Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Mike Ashley's chopper is a refurbished ex-Soviet chopper that was used to transport Gorbachev between states in the Eastern Bloc. There are still bullet holes from a failed assassination attempt by radical socialists in 1988. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarrenBartonCentrePartin Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Ryan Taylor was voted 'Happiest Kid In All Of Liverpool 1989' aged 5. However in 1990, aged 6, he accidentally let go of a helium balloon he won from a fairground on Merseyside. He has never smiled since. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Ryan Taylor was voted 'Happiest Kid In All Of Liverpool 1989' aged 5. However in 1990, aged 6, he accidentally let go of a helium balloon he won from a fairground on Merseyside. He has never smiled since. :lol: - Newcastle still haven't played a 'big team' in the Premier League this season. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
54 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Tony Pulis was sent from hell to ruin all types of attractive football. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NG32 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Mick McCarthy was the third gunman on the grassy knoll. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ketsbaia Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 People that like Man City are subconsciously gay. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NG32 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Sam Allerdyce is actually a klingon. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Interpolic Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Kenny Dalglish's parents adopted Wesley Snipes when the future actor was an infant and the 2 are still good friends to this day. Dalglish has made a number of low-key cameo appearances in Snipes' movies, including White Men Can't Jump, Demolition Man and Blade II, whilst Dalglish has returned the favour by occasionally naming Snipes amongst his matchday subsitutes - most recently for their defeat at Bolton - but nobody ever seems to notice this, except me. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cp40 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Mike Ashley has loaned Man City all the money to buy thier team . Dosent even give a shit when/ if they pay him back. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
TaylorJ_01 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Geremi likes bums Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ishmael Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Despite the majority baring no resemblance to a conspiracy theory, I've still laughed out loud more than a few times. Fair play chaps. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
matta Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 The Rooney one just show the competence of the ref's here. The fucker is always complaining and whining at every decision made. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fenham Mag Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 All football is actually scripted. Newcastle were actually meant to win the League in 1996 until the 'Graham Fenton screwjob' in Blackburn. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NG32 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Amdy Faye actually moonwalked on the moon. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hanshithispantz Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Gabriel Obertan is actually a genetically enhanced salmon that was found washed up on the south coast of Bordeaux in the summer of 2005. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Roger Kint Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Some brilliant ones lads A text to the Daily Star today saying something like 'Rangers are the victims of the Tax Office losing to Redknapp and needing revenge' Got to love the true ones like that and Alan Smith Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Amdy Faye actually moonwalked on the moon. Fucking hell :lol: Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theregulars Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Pardew hired as a way to pay back a gambling debt racked up in one of Dekka's casinos. Porked his (fat) daughter to get her to fall in love with him and propose and have Dekka call it off, plan fell through when he met Shola's sister. Thus he now works off the debt in the form of managing us for free, while Carroll was sold to meet Dekka's short- term cash flow issues. Yup. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
nobby_solano Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 peter crouch's real name is actually peter crotch but he was advised by former everton striker mike trebilcock to change it so as to avoid abuse from fans Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Nguyen Van Falk Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Tim Krul is actually a cyborg sent back from the future to kill Alan Smith. His program is set to terminate Smith the moment he scores a goal... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raconteur Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Tottenham's win over the Toon was a fix, because the FA want to give Levy the title in return for 'Arry. Pardew was installed as third favourite for the England job thanks to FA officials leaking at Ashley's behest (to raise the credibility of "his man"). In return, Pardew's team lay down and allowed 'Arry to look like a great manager before the world. Spuds players weren't in on it - they played as normal but because we ran dead they simply smashed us. It will all be proven true in the next few games when Man Utd start conceding penalties... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Nguyen Van Falk Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 The Shevchenko move to Chelsea was a ruse to cover up the murder of Andriy by Abramovich. Roman had found Shevchenko sleeping with his missus and had him killed by mobsters in retribution. A fake move to Chelsea allowed Abramovich to keep a tight leash on the situation and so an actor was hired to play Scheva which explains his poor performances and lack of goals on the pitch. Rumours are history has repeated itself which may explain the failings of a current Chelsea player... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cronky Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I am Kevin Keegan. I slag myself off to test how much you love me. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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