RIP Joe Kinnear (1946–2024)

[Guest bimpy474]

Tbf Kinnear said he had sat down with Bent's agents for a couple of hours and sorted what Bent was after, not Aston Villa. None of it matters as we and i dont think anyone else is going to pay £6-8m for him.

[Minhosa]

What's the story Joe-a-Nory, wouldn't we like to know?

You sell us bullshit, when you're off your tits when are you going to go?

 

From holidaying hard to annoying Pards, when are you going to go?

From Harford scouting to screaming and shouting, when are you going to go?

 

From Simon Bird cunting to putting up bunting, we'll do that when you go.

 

Ohhhhhhhhh, what's the story Joe-a-nory, when are you going to go?

[TheGuv]

Saw this on the Mag

 

The chaotic life of Newcastle United continues, with a Newcastle fan using Twitter to tell the world what Joe Kinnear said to him when he bumped into him at Newcastle Central station.

 

Great for any club employee to chat with fans but obviously it depends on what the content of the conversation is.

 

We Know The Feeling Joe!

We Know The Feeling Joe!

Sadly I can just imagine JFK blabbing on about transfer targets and suchlike, this is basically what Kinnear told United fan Matt Skeen.

 

He wants rid of Shola.

 

Gomis deal is slow due to the fact he wants 80k a week.

 

After a young Belgian, couldn’t remember the name but he was 21 year old 6ft 2 Belgian international.

 

After Ince, Sinclair and McArthur from Wigan.

 

In terms of believing Kinnear would do something so daft, I have a good friend whose son is at Newcastle’s Academy. This friend was up watching his son recently and JFK was there, as they passed each other my friend said hello, as you do. Joe stopped and asked how my mate was doing. Some small talk followed and then Joe turned to the subject of possible signings, asking my friend’s opinion.

 

Joe then went into some detail on who the club were looking at and listened intently to my mate’s opinion, as the conversation went on at some length, it becoming very apparent that Joe thought he was talking to somebody who he already knew well…they shook hands eventually and went their separate ways.

 

Exactly who Joe thought he had been speaking to is anybody’s guess!

[Dinho lad]

[TaylorJ_01]

[Guest neesy111]

[Anon]

[Guest chopey]

I wonder if JFK will sit next to Ashley at our first home game or maybe in the press box just behind Pardew so he can here his instructions ?

[B-more Mag]

Christ, not only is he a drunkard, he's also senile.

 

The guy he was talking to must have been like:

 

[jdckelly]

you know from stories like that one in the mag he does sound like a decent bloke beneath all the bullshit around this appointment and the fact he's woefully underqualified

[alexf]

^^^^^ The Kinnear tide is turning!

 

*god damn new page wanker 

[sempuki]

Was apparently at the France Belgium game - a surprise considering his extensive phone book is so good.

[Away Toon]

I think it's pretty clear that JFK wasn't brought in by Ashley to oversee the buying of players. He was brought in to piss off Pardew who Ashley wants to sack, but doesn't want to pay the compensation. JFK is there to keep an eye on him, undermine him whenever possible, and see if he can get him to walk.

[clintdempsey]

Local media getting the digs in early.

 

http://www.thenorthernecho.co.uk/sport/10614483.SCOTT_WILSON_COLUMN__2013_14___An_alternative_look_at_the_season_ahead/

 

WITH the new Premier League season beginning tomorrow, here's a few predictions of what might lie in store over the next nine months

 

AUGUST

 

Sunderland's season begins in controversial fashion as Paolo Di Canio pledges to only pick players who are as good as he was during his playing career. A one-man Black Cats line up slumps to a 3-0 defeat to Fulham, with that one man – a certain P Di Canio – being sent off in the 33rd minute following a furious argument with his own shadow.

 

There is further controversy during Manchester United's opening home game against Chelsea as Sir Alex Ferguson's new role at Old Trafford is revealed as the man who is in charge of pre-programming the fourth official's board. The development only comes to light when no matter what the fourth official tries, 25 minutes of added time are displayed with United trailing 1-0.

 

SEPTEMBER

 

Sky's coverage of the transfer window is ruined when cost-cutting at QPR means Harry Redknapp has to buy a Range Rover without electric windows. There is deadline-day drama at Stamford Bridge though as Wayne Rooney's proposed transfer from Manchester United is not processed in time. “We gave him five hours to print his name and write the correct date, but sadly he just couldn't manage it,” say Chelsea officials.

 

Newcastle's search for a new striker also goes down to the wire, but Shefki Kuqi's mobile diverts straight to answer phone and they're left empty-handed.

OCTOBER

 

Stung by criticism of his deadline-day failure, Newcastle director of football Joe Kinnear reacts furiously to news of another blow when he is controversially overlooked for the Nobel Peace Prize. “I genuinely can't believe it,” says Kinnear. “My track record speaks for itself when it comes to sorting out intractable political problems, and there's not a single world leader I can't call up on the phone when I need something sorting. Still, as I said to Desmond Tutu when he was talking about his Nobel Prize the other day, you still need two more of them to catch me up me old mucker.”

Buoyed by Rickie Lambert's impact against Scotland, Roy Hodgson turns to experience again for England's crucial final World Cup qualifier against Poland.

 

“This is a guy who's been there, and while he's not exactly done it, he's always given it a good try. Forget youngsters like Welbeck and Sturridge, this guy will take us to Brazil.” Sadly, Emile Heskey misses two open goals as England crash into the play-offs.

 

NOVEMBER

 

With his side rooted to the foot of the Premier League, Steve Bruce is sacked from Hull. However, the former Sunderland boss doesn't feel he was given a fair crack of the whip at the KC Stadium.

 

“I walked into the staff canteen after a match the other week and someone had put Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway on the TV – they've just never been able to get over my Geordie roots,” he explains.

 

“And the expectation levels here are completely unrealistic. I was speaking to a couple of fans the other night, and they said they expected me to win a couple of Premier League matches. I mean, come on, have they not seen my record from Sunderland?”

 

The Premier League is forced to abandon its trial of new goalmouth technology when a succession of goals are awarded during a Chelsea game at Stamford Bridge. “It was Ashley Cole standing on the post,” admits a Premier League spokesman. “The technology just couldn't cope with the size of his head.”

 

DECEMBER

 

Luis Suarez hits the headlines again when he decapitates a mascot during the pre-match warm up at Anfield.

 

“It's just another media witch hunt,” says the striker, after he is handed a ten-match ban. “They're always out to get me for the smallest of things. It's an unfortunate incident, but it's another example of things just being lost in translation. The mascot said he was going to head off to the tunnel – I thought he said he wanted me to rip his head off and throw it in the tunnel. It's an easy mistake to make.”

 

Up at Newcastle, Joe Kinnear launches into another tirade after he is controversially overlooked for the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award. “It's unbelievable,” says Kinnear. “I mean I've won three league titles, two FA Cups, had six number one singles and won Britain's Got Talent this year, but they still didn't pick me. Still, as I said to Andy Murray, you still need two more of them to catch me up sunshine.”

JANUARY

 

Having kept relatively quiet in the first half of the season, Newcastle owner Mike Ashley drops another one of his bombshells when he changes his club's colours from black-and-white to red-and-blue.

 

“The old black-and-white strip was tired and dated,” says an official club press release. “No one has black-and-white televisions any more, and when you saw the old strip it said, 'Boring'.

 

“Red-and-blue is very different. It says, 'Fresh, dynamic and exciting – and coincidentally it's also the same colours as Sports Direct, where this week you can get two pairs of Lonsdale sports socks for £1.50, or a pair of Dunlop tracksuit bottoms for a fiver. Head to your nearest store now while stocks last, or log on to sportsdirect.com”

 

FEBRUARY

 

Further drama at Sunderland, where Paolo Di Canio's attempts to micro-manage his players' diet and nutritional intake are taken a step too far.

 

“From now on, I take a daily look inside my players' fridge,” says Di Canio. “Last night, I go to Connor Wickham's flat and ask him to open up. No cucumber. No radish. Just Fruit Corner and Dairylea.

 

“I tell my players, 'Cucumber, yes. Dairylea, no'. Is simple. Why they not listen to Paolo Di Canio? Do they think Paolo Di Canio stupid?

 

“No more Dairylea. You do not become top player like that. Gorgonzola? Maybe. But Dairylea? Is not possible.”

 

MARCH

 

With Arsenal out of the FA Cup and Champions League and lying fourth in the table, Arsene Wenger is forced to deflect more criticism about his lack of trophies.

 

“Winning is a somewhat abstract concept,” opines the Frenchman. “What is winning, what is losing, why are we here anyway? People talk about our lack of goals, but there is an existential beauty to the pursuit of victory without recourse to a stereotypical concept of attack and defence. And anyway, we're skint, has anyone got a number for Thierry Henry?”

 

A Premier League board meeting is thrown into chaos when someone makes an even more far-fetched suggestion than the '39th game' idea. “Someone mentioned playing matches at 3pm on a Saturday, with English players in the team and with clubs owned by English owners,” says chief executive Richard Scudamore. “It was thrown out before the vote.”

 

APRIL

 

Impressed with Hull City's switch to the Hull City Tigers, Newcastle owner Mike Ashley decides to get in on the act. However, some claim the adoption of the name Newcastle SportsDirecters is a step too far.

 

“It's a perfect blend of the old and new,” says an official club statement. “People know the name Newcastle, but United didn't really mean anything did it? When people in Asia hear the word 'United' they think of Manchester, and that was a problem.

 

“Now, when they hear the word 'SportsDirecters' they'll think of Kangol T-shirts at £8.99 or Umbro training tops for a tenner. That's much more on message.”

 

The Metropolitan Police are placed on red alert after residents on the King's Road report that a blonde-haired man has been wandering around aimlessly for the last eight months, disappearing down blind alleys and achieving very little. Detailed investigation eventually reveals it is Fernando Torres trying to locate the goal.

 

MAY

 

The title race comes to a thrilling conclusion as Manchester United overhaul a two-goal deficit on the final day to beat Southampton 3-2. In his post-match press conference, David Moyes rips off his face mask to reveal that he has actually been Sir Alex Ferguson in disguise all along. “You didn't think I'd go that easily, did you,” he says.

 

Chelsea are FA Cup winners, Hull, Crystal Palace and Fulham are relegated, while Barcelona reclaim the Champions League as Lionel Messi scores his 275th goal of the season in the final against Real Madrid.

 

Sunderland finish tenth, with Newcastle a place below them in 11th. “That's my 14th league title in the bag and I'm obviously pretty happy about that,” says Joe Kinnear in response to the Magpies' mid-table finish. “It's a major career achievement, although possibly not quite on a par with my eight Olympic gold medals.”

[Guest chopey]

Well that is a good way to start  friday , very funny

[KDT]

About as funny as toothache on Christmas day.

[Parky]

He's here to get Pardew out, plain and simple. Poyet will take over.

[AyeDubbleYoo]

He's here to get Pardew out, plain and simple. Poyet will take over.

 

Why do you think that?

[NG32]

He's here to get Pardew out, plain and simple. Poyet will take over.

 

Why do you think that?

 

Oh he will get it like.

[Parky]

He's here to get Pardew out, plain and simple. Poyet will take over.

 

Why do you think that?

 

Gut feeling.

[Optimistic Nut]

If Poyet is appointed, he'll definitely get it like.

 

http://danny61.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/oor-wullie.jpg?w=869

[Guest neesy111]

He's here to get Pardew out, plain and simple. Poyet will take over.

 

Why do you think that?

 

Gut feeling.

 

Didn't you also want a DoF in the summer?

[jdckelly]

He's here to get Pardew out, plain and simple. Poyet will take over. He will take over himself

FYP

[Begbie]

If/When Pardew gets sacked, JFK will be our manager 

[Disco]

 

For the man who claimed he could pick up the phone to any manager in the Premier League, the day of reckoning is fast approaching.

 

Joe Kinnear has 17 days left to do the absolute minimum required of him when he was appointed in mid-June and sign a replacement for Demba Ba. If he doesn’t, September 2 will be a mightily uncomfortable day for Newcastle’s director of football.

 

For all Kinnear’s bellicose bluff and bluster, he cannot escape the accountability of modern-day Premier League football. If managers don’t deliver results, they are for the high jump. Players who don’t perform are shipped out, while even managing directors who mis-step find themselves looking for work eventually.

 

For a director of football who proclaimed himself a guru, the buck stops with supplying the players who might aid Newcastle’s bid to challenge for European competition again. Fail to do it and he will be held to account.

 

The blundering chase for Darren Bent does not augur well. For Newcastle to be presented with a player who wants to sign for them and stumble is bad enough, to then try and revive the deal when it is almost over the line with Fulham is a worrying sign of a fundamentally flawed approach.

 

At the moment, this remains something of a friendly reminder to Kinnear – who has certainly made his presence known among the footballing fraternity. He still has time, but the situation is becoming urgent.

 

Newcastle’s best bet seems to be a late rush of business, perhaps prompted by the movement of Gareth Bale, Wayne Rooney or Luis Suarez, because at the moment Kinnear is failing to play the modern transfer market. Agents ring daily offering players and, for the club’s director of football, out of the game since 2009, it has required a crash course in modern football culture simply to get through the summer.

 

A personal observation is that Mike Ashley handed him an impossible job when, over a few drinks in one of their Totteridge locals, he offered Kinnear the over-arching role of director of football at St James’ Park. It is difficult enough for someone with an in-depth knowledge of the modern game to negotiate the cut-throat and dispiriting world of the summer transfer window, but for Kinnear it is close to impossible.

 

Agents seemed to have sensed that, and  links with players Newcastle dismissed months ago are a sign that their influence is beginning to creep back at St James’ Park. The uncertainty at Newcastle is encouraging agents to use the club to market their players once again – a depressing development.

 

The buck stops at sympathy, however. Kinnear knew exactly what he was letting himself in for, and all the bluster of those early summer months – that guff about knowing more about football than anyone else at St James’ Park – was proof that this is a man who is not backwards about coming forwards. So here is the situation as we stood yesterday. Newcastle have missed out on Darren Bent and Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, two players they made approaches for earlier in the summer. Their move for Bafetimbi Gomis has collapsed too, despite the club being willing to meet Lyon’s exaggerated value.

 

Given the months of diligent work that has gone into picking these players, it is extremely worrying. It is also bordering on unacceptable at a club that flirted outrageously with relegation last season.

 

There is money to spend, as we have seen from the dogged chase of Bafetimbi Gomis. Something is stopping them from spending it.

 

As director of football, the buck stops with Kinnear – who has reminded a few people at St James’ Park that he is answerable to no-one but Ashley at St James’ Park. The questions become more searching by the day.