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Sunderland


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Guest BenArfa10

What's gannin' on, I hate Sunderland and I'm really sad, so I've put those two things together and come up with this. It's shite in places but I've tried to reflect reality.

 

Very Loosely based around 'Stan' by Eminem.

 

Our seats turned pink I’m wondering why we signed Di Canio

The SOS outside my window and we can’t win at all

But even if we could it’d all be Gray cause the Mags just up the road

They remind us, that we’re just that bad and we’re just sad

 

Dear, Sun’lun

I wrote to you but you still ain’t callin, we signed Cabral, Mavrias and Celustka, and waa still at tha bottam. I missed two games back in Autumn, we must not of won ‘em, you just can’t be that sloppy at the back away to Tottenham. But anyways fuck it it’s easy to ignore your problems when you think you’re always right, cos’ Pardew’s shite, Altidore’s Lionel Messi ‘lite and SMB for life. The media hate us and we never have any luck, two shots a game and it’s the all the referee’s fault. I read about Wickham in our Mag ‘A Love Supreme’, he’s better than Shearer but can’t knock Ji-Dong Won out of the first team. I knaa waa say this everyday, but waa the biggest fans. We get betta’ average attendances than Juve and Milan. I got a room full of posters of Bramble, and Prica man! I even saw that desperate shit you did with Howard Wilkinson. Anyways I hope yas get this marras, hit me back just to chat, a disgruntled fan… from Sundaland.

 

Our seats turned pink I’m wondering why we signed Di Canio

The SOS outside my window, and we can’t win at all

But even if we could it’d all be gray cause the mags just up the road

They remind us, that we’re just that bad and we’re just sad

 

Dear Sun’lun

 

You still aint called or wrote, I hope you have a chance. I ain’t too mad though, I just think it’s just fucked up you don’t reward the loyalty of fans. If players divvent want to sign for us outside the AOL that’s fine, but get Lee Cattermole away from my Renault Clio in Lime. That was my car man, it was only 6 weeks old. Now it’s got a busted lightbulb and two broken windows. He’s our captain marra and like my bassa idol. I like him more than cheesy chips and when we draw 2-2 with Hull. I’m not that mad though I just don’t like Phil Bardsley, he laughs at us when we lose and then he’s starting on the Sunday. Remember that time we played in China, yas gotta make your minds up man, I thought it was Invest in Africa and selling shirts in Ireland. But waa just like you in a way I don’t like to hear the truth either, teams always cheat to win and are flukey when they beat us. I can’t relate to foreign buys with funny names I can’t pronounce, or sticking with Jack Colback and losing six games on the bounce. I just got a tattoo with 2-1 across my chest and the NETD trophy that proves that waa the best. Sometimes when we lose I think about Paolo’s dirty knees, the best day of my life marra it puts my mind at ease. See everything Quinn says is bull but waa believe him cos he saved us, his papers went missing and we know he actually hates us. But yas divvent undastand us like Quinno does man, knaa one does, he knows  what it was like for teams like us coming up. He was a true great waa thought he’d always be around, he knew we’d rather gan to the pub than be bewing at the ground. Sometimes I wish we still had Sir Niall and SKP, they could tell me why sky don’t show us more on ma tv. Anyway you gotta’ write back man I’m the biggest fan you’ll ever lose, sincerely yours Stan, the knacker in seat D32.

 

PS Ronaldo’d choose us over tha Toon

 

Dear Mrs I’m Big Margaret fucking Byrne, City’s the last 3 points that I ever think we’ll earn, it’s been six hours since our last goal, that really leaves us hurting, why can’t we be in yewrup instead of relegation flirting. Don’t pretend our fans don’t die a lot more often, or that Cineworlds can’t be Mackem strongholds if they’re built within the Boldons. But this is my season ticket card I’m sending ya, I hope yas get it, I’m stuck in traffic right now and doing 30 on the motorway. Hey Byrne I drank a bottle of blew pop, dare me to drive! You know that song about us wanting Stevie Taylor to die, it was a little harsh after all he’s just a stamp collecting guy. Anyway that’s kind of how this is we just can’t help being hypocritical and wrong, other fans laugh at us but we’ll always have 9-1, a manager for every month and not even at double points. I’m sat here crying wearing wor lasses onesie, cause I just lost a thousand grand on us for a win away to Swansea. All I wanted was a lousy letter or a call I hope you know I burnt all my shirts from Bruce’s time in charge. I loved Mclean we could have been together but think about this, how does Ameobi keep on scoring scruffy pelanties against us. I just can’t sleep and I dream about him, and when I dream I can’t sleep and I scream about him, my conscience eats at me and everything I see is Ameobi. See Byrne, shut up ya knacker I’m tryna chat, hey Gus that’s Giaccherrini sitting in the back, AVB looks a realistic option, and I’ve heard yas both are near the sack. Anyways gotta gan marras I’m running out of diesel soon, driving the Gus Bus towards the SkyBet and we’re headed for doom and gloom. 

 

Dear Valued Fan

 

We meant to respond sooner but we’ve just been really busy, compensation doesn’t pay itself and transfers aren’t that easy. Rest assured you can have full faith in Ellis Short, but football you know it’s just really not his sport. I’m really sorry it didn’t work out for us both with M.O.N, but try to understand, results aren’t that important when you’re writing cheques for David Milliband. We’ve got some issues yeah and we’re looking at better coaching, a way to stop free kicks bouncing off of walls and dropping Johnson.  But ew, what’s this shit about Match of Day, they leave us low down on the running order cause of the shit games that we play. I really think you should reconsider your ticket cancellation or maybe just take a different view of our points accumulation. I hope this letter reaches you in time, before you call into the box office, waa knocking down the price of pies and we’re sending out free tickets. If the defence relax a little I think we’ll be just fine, I’m glad you’ve finally finished your stupid two year ban, you should be allowed to attack goalkeepers if you’re a paying fan. Though I will admit that was some crazy shit, I read some shit in the news a couple of months ago that made me sick, a team had just beaten their local rivals and everything seemed fine. Then the other team went and turned things right around, they went four games unbeaten and soared fifteen points ahead and left the derby winners shaken. They were certain for relegation and they lost their only bus, come to think about it, that team was, it was us. Fuck. 

 

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Players rucking in the pre match warm up. Tinternet awash with stories of Gus walking out after rowing with DOF/scout.

Public show and utterances of harmony coming up no doubt?  Smoke/fire methinks.

 

Hope the cunts implode and are never seen again

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Guest Roger Kint

Theres a text in the paper this morning taking the piss out of us for being the 3rd most popular score or something on Pointless the other day. Apparently its embarrassing we are so well known for winning nothing(behind Liverpool/Spurs)  :lol:

 

The alternative obviously is far better to have nobody know or care who you are......

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Guest Roger Kint

What was the question?

 

''Who wins nowt?''

 

Teams who have played in the PL without winning it i think. It was mentioned in the Pointless thread in chat iirc

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Guest Haris Vuckic

What was the question?

 

''Who wins nowt?''

 

Teams who have played in the PL without winning it i think. It was mentioned in the Pointless thread in chat iirc

 

Ah right.

 

My answer would have been Oldham Athletic.

 

or Sunderland - who I suppose endeavoured to be pointless on two occasions. 

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