The Official Alan Pardew Excuses Thread

[Guest firetotheworks]

The hoof, the whole hoof and nothing but the hoof

 

GOUFF CAN'T HANDLE THE HOOF!

[Stifler]

I came across Newcastle-online.org and was shocked by the fans view of me. I spent the week in such shock that I couldn't train with the players and that showed today. Still though it's great to see that the members of N-O have so much unconditional love and respect for me.

[Mattoon]

http://espnfc.com/blog/_/name/newcastleunited/id/1902?cc=5739

 

 

Newcastle United's terrible start to 2014 has been well publicised recently, as has the fact that under Alan Pardew's leadership they've lost by three or more goals no fewer than 18 times in just over three years.

 

When you compare that to the fact that they've won only eight times by the same margin, you have to wonder why.

 

Here are a few of Pardew's post-match reasons for these performances, taken from interviews with him after the games:

 

Stoke (A) 19/03/2011 0 - 4

 

"I was happy with the first half, but in the first five minutes of the second we just did not perform...even before Harps made an error we should have got rid of the ball and turned them around."

 

In reality this defeat was more as a result of a bizarre team selection and five man defence than a Steve Harper error. 

 

Liverpool (A) 01/05/2011 0 - 3

 

"....we had a chance with Joey (Barton) and normally I would expect him to score that."

 

and "Williamson has made a mistake that has cost us a goal"

 

Two batterings, three players publicly named. 

 

Ryder: Getting back to basics

 

Chelsea (H) 03/12/2011 0 - 3

 

After this one Pardew was quite rightly furious with referee Mike Dean who failed to send off David Luiz for a professional foul on Demba Ba.

 

"Not only do I lose the game, but I have lost two players through injury (Taylor and Coloccini). I'm still angry."

 

Fulham (A) 21/01/2012 2 - 5

 

Newcastle went into halftime a goal up before completely capitulating in the second half. Again, the tactics were terrible with Newcastle continually defending on the half way line and being caught out round the back. Pardew said:

 

“First half was as good as we’ve been and second half was certainly as bad as we’ve been. We’ll have to work hard on the training ground now to make sure it doesn’t happen again."

 

Spurs (A) 11/02/2012 0 - 5

 

When Newcastle fell four goals behind in just over half an hour, supporters feared an absolute slaughter was on the way. 

 

"We could have done a bit better in the fundamentals of heading it, kicking it, passing it and making a tackle." 

 

Who'd have thought it?

 

Wigan (A) 28/04/2012 0 - 4 

 

"We got caught out by that one word – intensity...So great credit to Roberto Martinez and his team, who were superb."

 

Despite this observation, Pardew has been caught out twice more this season by the intensity of Martinez's Everton team.

 

Manchester United (H) 07/10/2012 0 - 3

 

"I don’t think the United result is a massive setback. If we get beaten 3-0 by one of the lesser sides, for sure, you’d start looking at your team"

 

Arsenal (A) 29/12/2012 3 - 7

 

"I didn’t put Remie Streete on there to make a point. He really was my only defender and he shouldn’t be anywhere near my bench. That’s the truth of it."

 

A real boost for the young lad.

 

Manchester City (A) 30/03/2013 0 - 4

 

"Even with my best players today I think we would have struggled against City."

 

You would have, with such a pessimistic approach.

 

Sunderland (H) 14/04/2013 0 - 3

 

"They looked like a team who had worked all week on us and we looked like a team that had a really tough game on Thursday night."

 

If you can't get your players energised for a derby, when can you?

 

AllsportAlan Pardew has lost 14 percent of his Premier League matches by three goals or more.

 

Liverpool (H) 27/04/2013 0 - 6

 

"On Monday morning at 10:30, I expect to see all my team out there whether their foot's hanging off or whatever, ready to train. Because now we've got to show we've got the heart"

 

10:30? That'll teach 'em. 

 

Manchester City (A) 19/08/2013 0 - 4

The first of seven thrashings this season came in the opener.

 

"I have to say I thought we gave a good account of ourselves up until the sending off." 

 

Newcastle were already 2-0 behind at that point.

 

Swansea (A) 04/12/2013 0 - 3

 

"We had one of those nights where all those things went against us and that impacted on the score."

 

All things including tactics that allowed Swansea to play their passing game under little pressure.

 

Sunderland (H) 01/02/2014 0 - 3

 

"The better team won for sure" 

 

The better team being a side who have languished in the bottom three all season. 

 

"In these derby games, you’ve got to have composure, and Sunderland had more composure." 

 

In reality, it was once again Sunderland's greater desire that won them the game.

 

Chelsea (A) 08/02/2014 0 - 3

 

"I thought particularly in the first half we played very well with the players we had available"

 

Injuries are a common part of Pardew's excuse list.

 

Spurs (H) 12/02/2014 0 - 4

 

“We’re in at 9.45am (tomorrow, for training)."

 

Whoah, 09:45?. Now he MEANS business. Three games in a row, ten goals conceded (seven at home) and none scored. 

 

Everton (H) 25/03/2014 0 - 3

 

Pardew wasn't available in the post match for this one because of his stadium ban. I think we could take a guess at what he'd have said. "Players available" and "energy".

 

Southampton (A) 29/03/2014 0 - 4

 

"I can’t explain (the lack of energy) compared to theirs"

 

I can. They're managed by a modern-thinking football manager and not a 1990's dinosaur attempting to shoe-horn all sorts of players into some sort of 4-4-2.

 

So there we have it, just under 14 percent of Newcastle's league games under Alan Pardew have ended in a loss by three or more goals. Seven of these hammerings have come at St James' Park. This is simply not good enough.

 

Sorry about the size of the article but felt it should be shared!

[TaylorJ_01]

Nice article pressure is mounting. Hope it crushes his face.

[Guest reefatoon]

Still my all time favourite quote from the useless c***.

 

Spurs (A) 11/02/2012 0 - 5

 

When Newcastle fell four goals behind in just over half an hour, supporters feared an absolute slaughter was on the way.

 

"We could have done a bit better in the fundamentals of heading it, kicking it, passing it and making a tackle."

 

I still can't believe a professional football manager could come out with that gubbins like.

[themanupstairs]

Nice article pressure is mounting. Hope it crushes his face.

 

I second, third, and fourth the sentiment :thup

[Yorkie]

http://espnfc.com/blog/_/name/newcastleunited/id/1902?cc=5739

 

 

Newcastle United's terrible start to 2014 has been well publicised recently, as has the fact that under Alan Pardew's leadership they've lost by three or more goals no fewer than 18 times in just over three years.

 

When you compare that to the fact that they've won only eight times by the same margin, you have to wonder why.

 

Here are a few of Pardew's post-match reasons for these performances, taken from interviews with him after the games:

 

Stoke (A) 19/03/2011 0 - 4

 

"I was happy with the first half, but in the first five minutes of the second we just did not perform...even before Harps made an error we should have got rid of the ball and turned them around."

 

In reality this defeat was more as a result of a bizarre team selection and five man defence than a Steve Harper error.

 

Liverpool (A) 01/05/2011 0 - 3

 

"....we had a chance with Joey (Barton) and normally I would expect him to score that."

 

and "Williamson has made a mistake that has cost us a goal"

 

Two batterings, three players publicly named.

 

Ryder: Getting back to basics

 

Chelsea (H) 03/12/2011 0 - 3

 

After this one Pardew was quite rightly furious with referee Mike Dean who failed to send off David Luiz for a professional foul on Demba Ba.

 

"Not only do I lose the game, but I have lost two players through injury (Taylor and Coloccini). I'm still angry."

 

Fulham (A) 21/01/2012 2 - 5

 

Newcastle went into halftime a goal up before completely capitulating in the second half. Again, the tactics were terrible with Newcastle continually defending on the half way line and being caught out round the back. Pardew said:

 

“First half was as good as we’ve been and second half was certainly as bad as we’ve been. We’ll have to work hard on the training ground now to make sure it doesn’t happen again."

 

Spurs (A) 11/02/2012 0 - 5

 

When Newcastle fell four goals behind in just over half an hour, supporters feared an absolute slaughter was on the way.

 

"We could have done a bit better in the fundamentals of heading it, kicking it, passing it and making a tackle."

 

Who'd have thought it?

 

Wigan (A) 28/04/2012 0 - 4

 

"We got caught out by that one word – intensity...So great credit to Roberto Martinez and his team, who were superb."

 

Despite this observation, Pardew has been caught out twice more this season by the intensity of Martinez's Everton team.

 

Manchester United (H) 07/10/2012 0 - 3

 

"I don’t think the United result is a massive setback. If we get beaten 3-0 by one of the lesser sides, for sure, you’d start looking at your team"

 

Arsenal (A) 29/12/2012 3 - 7

 

"I didn’t put Remie Streete on there to make a point. He really was my only defender and he shouldn’t be anywhere near my bench. That’s the truth of it."

 

A real boost for the young lad.

 

Manchester City (A) 30/03/2013 0 - 4

 

"Even with my best players today I think we would have struggled against City."

 

You would have, with such a pessimistic approach.

 

Sunderland (H) 14/04/2013 0 - 3

 

"They looked like a team who had worked all week on us and we looked like a team that had a really tough game on Thursday night."

 

If you can't get your players energised for a derby, when can you?

 

AllsportAlan Pardew has lost 14 percent of his Premier League matches by three goals or more.

 

Liverpool (H) 27/04/2013 0 - 6

 

"On Monday morning at 10:30, I expect to see all my team out there whether their foot's hanging off or whatever, ready to train. Because now we've got to show we've got the heart"

 

10:30? That'll teach 'em.

 

Manchester City (A) 19/08/2013 0 - 4

The first of seven thrashings this season came in the opener.

 

"I have to say I thought we gave a good account of ourselves up until the sending off."

 

Newcastle were already 2-0 behind at that point.

 

Swansea (A) 04/12/2013 0 - 3

 

"We had one of those nights where all those things went against us and that impacted on the score."

 

All things including tactics that allowed Swansea to play their passing game under little pressure.

 

Sunderland (H) 01/02/2014 0 - 3

 

"The better team won for sure"

 

The better team being a side who have languished in the bottom three all season.

 

"In these derby games, you’ve got to have composure, and Sunderland had more composure."

 

In reality, it was once again Sunderland's greater desire that won them the game.

 

Chelsea (A) 08/02/2014 0 - 3

 

"I thought particularly in the first half we played very well with the players we had available"

 

Injuries are a common part of Pardew's excuse list.

 

Spurs (H) 12/02/2014 0 - 4

 

“We’re in at 9.45am (tomorrow, for training)."

 

Whoah, 09:45?. Now he MEANS business. Three games in a row, ten goals conceded (seven at home) and none scored.

 

Everton (H) 25/03/2014 0 - 3

 

Pardew wasn't available in the post match for this one because of his stadium ban. I think we could take a guess at what he'd have said. "Players available" and "energy".

 

Southampton (A) 29/03/2014 0 - 4

 

"I can’t explain (the lack of energy) compared to theirs"

 

I can. They're managed by a modern-thinking football manager and not a 1990's dinosaur attempting to shoe-horn all sorts of players into some sort of 4-4-2.

 

So there we have it, just under 14 percent of Newcastle's league games under Alan Pardew have ended in a loss by three or more goals. Seven of these hammerings have come at St James' Park. This is simply not good enough.

 

Sorry about the size of the article but felt it should be shared!

 

Could've been about thrice as long.

[TaylorJ_01]

oooooh thrice 

[Yorkie]

[Beren]

Such a shame you only see that stuff in blogs and forums, and not papers with a wider readership.

[Dinho lad]

All managers come out with those sort of excuses.... and all of that.

[Jill]

Such a shame you only see that stuff in blogs and forums, and not papers with a wider readership.

 

[Mattoon]

Such a shame you only see that stuff in blogs and forums, and not papers with a wider readership.

 

 

Made it to Newsnow so should get a decent amount of readership, every little helps! It does feel like its snowballing now though and from a few different corners.

[Beren]

Needs to get to SkySports or the BBC

[Colos Short and Curlies]

Its the sort of thing Soccer Saturday might go with

[Tooj]

Such a shame you only see that stuff in blogs and forums, and not papers with a wider readership.

 

Can't believe the national journalists still think he's doing a good job.

[Dave]

The injuries would be far too obvious this weekend, so I'm going for a subtle 'we was too changed'.

[Jordan]

Such a shame you only see that stuff in blogs and forums, and not papers with a wider readership.

 

Can't believe the national journalists still think he's doing a good job.

Outside looking in, we're in the top 10 despite not making any permanent signings. Coupled with the fact the nationals don't give a fuck about NUFC.

[Interpolic]

"My players haven't been right since that plane went missing, trust me - my fans understand that"

[WarrenBartonCentrePartin]

"Manchester United were able to test themselves against a brilliant Bayern team in midweek. Obviously as we're not in the Europa League, we didn't have such a luxury and I think our tiredness showed.  We lacked that sharpness, that edge.  Again we was energyless.

 

"You've also got to factor in with Moussa's injury, we had to play HatAm, who has been busy sending an army to invade Crimea, as well as conducting missile tests on the Korean peninsula as well as contributing to the toxic Saharan pollution which has filled the lungs of my squad.  That's not ideal preparation in my book."

[tsah]

 

Still my all time favourite quote from the useless c***.

 

Spurs (A) 11/02/2012 0 - 5

 

When Newcastle fell four goals behind in just over half an hour, supporters feared an absolute slaughter was on the way.

 

"We could have done a bit better in the fundamentals of heading it, kicking it, passing it and making a tackle."

 

I still can't believe a professional football manager could come out with that gubbins like.

 

That's going down as my new sig.

 

For sure.

[Beren]

Gosh, he did mention having fans not too long ago, didn't he? As in him, personally, having funs? :lol:

[DJ_NUFC]

"Manchester United were able to test themselves against a brilliant Bayern team in midweek. Obviously as we're not in the Europa League, we didn't have such a luxury and I think our tiredness showed.  We lacked that sharpness, that edge.  Again we was energyless.

 

"You've also got to factor in with Moussa's injury, we had to play HatAm, who has been busy sending an army to invade Crimea, as well as conducting missile tests on the Korean peninsula as well as contributing to the toxic Saharan pollution which has filled the lungs of my squad.  That's not ideal preparation in my book."

 

 

Very good.

[Varadi]

He's already made his excuses for this game - the bit about 5 changes from when we beat them at Old Trafford. Saves him having to make up bullshit on the fly after we're been humped again.

[Ronaldo]

 

Still my all time favourite quote from the useless c***.

 

Spurs (A) 11/02/2012 0 - 5

 

When Newcastle fell four goals behind in just over half an hour, supporters feared an absolute slaughter was on the way.

 

"We could have done a bit better in the fundamentals of heading it, kicking it, passing it and making a tackle."

 

I still can't believe a professional football manager could come out with that gubbins like.

 

That's going down as my new sig.

 

For sure.

 

Careful. Ian's coming after you any second to remind you that all managers say such things.