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As with almost all post-match interviews ever, there will basically be absolutely nothing worth hearing.

Owen? Beckham certainly?

Carragher and Heskey.

Other guesses would be Ashley Cole and that cunt Owen, but I don't think he had many appearances after 2008

"In US-style innovations to give broadcasters more value for money". No it doesn't.

Can’t fucking stand this sort of shit

Terry? Ferdinand?

For fucks sake.

If he was a great lad and a top professional he wouldn't be available for £50m. Nice bit of WUMMERY though. I do like Garnacho ability-wise but apart from being an obvious prick, doubt he'd fit our profile for work rate other than anything else.

Six men played for England in the 1990s, 2000s and 2010s. Name them?

Agreed but Eddie how gives players squad time also based on how they perform in training. He’s said as much several times. Can’t be arsed to go looking for quotes.

Glue Van Nistelrooy.

Why though?

Runs a pub in Gosforth since moving out the Jesmond Dene Hotel.

Thinking about it he makes perfect sense in terms of more of a target man and different looks formation wise. But also if we’ve played CL then have an away game or home match a few days later start this lad and we’re still looking good.

Van Nistelrooy finally sent to the glue factory

Good news for them.

Don’t disrespect his Europa League numbers against the likes of Bucharest and Bodo.

What about Brett Emerton

In terms of referencing buildings, this one had the potential to be a bit of a cult classic were it not associated with arguably the worst period in the club's modern history:

Technically we've already had the Romano 'here we go' on Pedro... was just back in 2022.

Yeah that one's being submitted as the away kit, this one (or another one I might end up with) is the third.

Eddie wouldn't touch Garnacho

In PL 9 less assists and the same amount of goals.

I think you could do a better job referencing the Tyne bridge than adidas have done.