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Gary Speed (1969–2011)

Dokko

by Dokko
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madras

madras

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Posted

Let's face it an unexplained tragedy like this is bound to attract rumours. Gary Speed had no known history of depression (unlike Collymore) and he always behaved in a totally professional and ethical manner. He was a genuine role model. Because you could totally rely on him he would be in my top 5 players to have played for us. Surely though, however much you admired the man, you have the right to wonder why this has happened? If he did suffer from depression how did he apparently manage to keep it from everyone that played football with him?

 

Quite easily, people suffering from depression don't walk around all day crying and telling people they will kill themselves. Unfortunately the biggest downfall in depression is those who don't seek help and keep everything to themselves while constantly hiding under a brave face.

 

People will ask questions but personally I think it's a lot more respectful just to wait for the facts rather than speculate, if nothing ever does come out just appreciate the man he was and the loss he is.

 

I do know something about depression, having relatives that suffer from it. Those that worked closely with them on a daily basis were aware of it. I was not trying to speculate (and in fact did not) I was just trying to explain that Gary Speed's standing as a person will raise questions on this. But I will withdraw from this discussion - as I said on a post above I have no wish whatsoever to appear in any way disrespectful.

 

I know someone who has recently been diagnosed with depression and it has utterly bemused people around them and the person involved. Does make you think, maybe some people are depressed and don't even know themselves or realise that the way they think isn't actually normal :dontknow:

i've known a few people come away from the docs having been diagnosed as depressed who had no idea that they were. it's a lot more than just feeling down.
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brummie

brummie

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Depression is a horrific illness, it tears lives apart, it tears families apart, and it makes people do things which seem utterly inexplicable, and the majority of those people live with the illness in silence, putting a brave face on what is a horrible thing to deal with.

 

I see Stan Collymore has been talking again this week about his own depression, too. It makes you wonder how many people - footballers or not - are struggling with the disease.

 

The best tribute to Gary Speed is probably not going to be a minute's silence, or Colin Murray or whoever talking about him on a Sunday night, it is that we start to understand depression better and make sure that there aren't too many more wasted lives like Speed's.

 

Sebastian Deisler was another one.  He didn't top himself but he had  a lot of bother with depression.

 

We don't know if that's what this is about yet but we tend to look at footballers as if they're super human.  Ultimately they're just people like the rest of us.

 

By coincidence, I am currently reading the biography of Robert Enke, the German national team goalkeeper who threw himself under a train.

 

You're right, they're like the rest of us. In fact, as mentioned above by someone, I've never been ashamed of a manager of my club as much as I was when John Gregory spouted his ill informed opinions of Collymore's depression.

 

Another coincidence, Collymore posted this on Saturday morning, which gives a pretty good (and I say this as one who has had recurring problems with depression and anxiety himself) idea of his condition. No amount of zeroes on the end of your salary is going to make this any better

 

.It's 4:48am in the morning(Sat 26th Nov 2011),and i'm wide awake.

 

I decided to tweet my own personal experience of my latest bout of Depression yesterday,and firstly wanted to thank the hundreds of messages from friends,journalists,mental health workers,doctors,and sufferers,as well as well wishers.It's very humbling to read the stories of fellow sufferers,links to blogs,and general experiences of this awful illness.

 

I want to elaborate on what Depression is for me,as the illness has so many facets,and varies from bout to bout ,that it can be hard to explain to a fellow sufferer,never mind someone fortunate enough to have never been afflicted!

 

 

I've spent so much time with Depression sufferers who have anxiety,irrational fear,too much sleep,not enough,that it's hard to pinpoint one "thing" that Depression is or isn't.All i know is that depending on the severity of the bout,it can be made of mainly one or all of these things,so i'll explain this latest bout,and what it's effect is.

 

I keep myself in really good nick,i run 10k every week day,and only not go to the gym or exercise at weekends,when i commentate on football for talkSPORT.The running i find really has helped massively,as i'm sure you guys that suffer who exercise find,the tangible release of calm,and "being on top of things" powers your internal dynamo,and keeps the black dog from the door.

 

 

Around 10 days ago however,i started to feel anxiety,which grew into irrational fear,which in turn turned into insomnia for 3 days(little sleep,and an incredibly active,negative mind),that in turn over last weekend(Swansea v Man United) into Hypersomnia,whereby my energy levels dipped to zero,and my sleep went from 8 to 18 hours overnight.

 

 

So i went from last Saturday at the gym,running 10k as i normally do,looking forward to working,to Tuesday morning being unable to lift my head from the pillow, feeling like my body had been drained of any life,my brain "full" and foggy,and a body that felt like it was carrying an anvil around.

 

So fit and healthy one day,mind,body and soul withering and dying the next.This to me is the most frightening of experiences,and one fellow suffers i'm sure will agree is the "thud" that sets the Depression rolling.

 

Once it hits,then cause and effect start to kick in.I sleep 18 hours a day,so i don't see sunlight over sometime a period of a week(my worst ever bout,i spent a month in bed),which i'm sure a doctor then would tell me makes the body shut down even further.My personal world grows smaller,i detach from friends and family,partly out of self preservation,partly not wanting them to see the man bounding around days ago,now looks visibly older,weaker and pathetic.

 

 

I eat less,my personal space gets smaller,none of the vain grooming of days before,as bathing,washing,and even going to the loo seem almost impossible.So its me,pyjamas,bed and increasingly despairing thoughts of how long this one will last,a tired,desperately tired but wildly active mind burns through its own blue touch paper until the paper ends,and there is simply nothing left.

 

 

That's the point when the practicality sets in,and not a nice one(and incredible to think when you finally get well).

 

Suicidal thoughts.

 

 

Thankfully i've not got to that part yet,and in my last 10 years only once or twice has this practical reality entered my head,and practicality its is,unpalatable the thought may be to many.

 

Why a practicality? Well,if your mind is empty,your brain ceases to function,your body is pinned to the bed,the future is a dark room,with no light,and this is your reality,it takes a massive leap of faith to know that this time next week,life could be running again,smiling,my world big and my brain back as it should be.So what do some do? They don't take the leap of faith,they address a practical problem with a practical solution to them,and that is taking their own life.And sadly,too many take that route out of this hell.

 

 

I'm typing and my brain is full,cloudy and detached but i know i need to elaborate on what i'm going through because there are so many going through this that need to know it's an illness,just an illness.Not bad,mad,crazy or weak,just ill,and that with this particular illness,for its sufferers,for family and friends who are there but feel they can't help,you can!

 

Patience,time,kindness and support.That's all we need.No "pull your socks up",no "get out of bed you lazy git",just acknowledge the feedback the sufferer gives,get them to go to the GP asap,and help them do the little things bit by bit.

 

That may seem simple but in my experience,and currently as we speak,having a bath,walking for 5 minutes in the fresh air,making a meal,all things that days before were the norm,seem alien,so friends and family can help ,just by being non judgemental,and helping in the background to get the sufferer literally back on their feet.

 

I hope that if you are suffering,or know someone that does,that a little insight into someone elses experiences might resonate with one or two and give them the comfort of knowing that there are millions out there like us that deal with this reality in our lives.

 

We contribute like everyone else,so treat us like everyone else.

 

You are not alone,there are millions of us.

 

 

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Tiresias

Tiresias

Posted
Posted

What bothers me is a perception of mental illness as 'wussy' or not serious as physical illness. A player would be let off a game and given treatment with a bad illness, how many actually get help for depression? Are any allowed to withdraw from games? I'd imagine with doctors slip etc they'd get in fair trouble if they didn't allow them time off but do they even go to the doctor in the first place?

 

Gary Speed is a different case if it was depression in a way though, not in that environment so much anymore. But if any good can come out it could be perception of mental health issues is taken more seriously. Depression is a bit of a family curse, I have had it but never that badly, or sa badly as relatives, but I had a horrendous october worse than I've ever had, and it manifests differently in everyone, he could have been hiding it, or it could have hit him like a tidal wave overnight, it is beyond rationalisation, whatever good stuff externally people think about your life you can rather forget about it when it hits. Whatever it turns out to be, could yet not be depression, its just relentlessly sad.

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Ronaldo

Ronaldo

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Posted

I turned on TalkSport and heard 'the loss of Gary Speed' followed by a 2-minute tribute by Ewan Roberts. Was clinging onto the hope that he'd resigned from the Wales job till I decided just to pull over and check Sky News on my iPhone. Just about sunk into the steering wheel when I saw the top headline.

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Ronaldo

Ronaldo

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@_PaulHayward: Whenever I mentioned Gary Speed to Bobby Robson when I was ghosting his memoirs he would praise him unstoppably. He adored him.

 

I remember Bobby saying 'you couldn't meet a better person' in his book, like.

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madras

madras

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Posted

As someone who suffers with severe depression myself there doesn't always have to be a reason for it so we may never know what truly drove him to it. Absolutely gutted by this and can see it taking a while to sink in. RIP.

it's getting it through to some people though. there is depression as in "things are shit at the minute and getting me down" and there is clinical depression  which is an illness as opposed to a reaction to a set of circumstances and can affect anyone, rich or poor, young or old and has no regard for the life position of the sufferer.
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