McCormick

Too big to show up for training, too ambitious for Newcastle, too fixated on Liverpool, too sure a few solo jogs in Spain would cut it; now too unfit, too blunt, and too flat to make a difference. But hey, the fade looked sharp for the unveiling! Rat.

I’m getting a mix of Mark Wahlberg and Patton Oswald?

Think I’d go: Bruno – just edges it for the no. 1 spot Trippier – the tone-setter Burn – Mr. Reliable Tonali – could leapfrog Burn… if he stays and doesn’t break our hearts (need him here ‘til he’s gone grey) Honorable mention: Tino Livramento – not quite there yet, but give it a few years and I’m sure he will be.

Defense mechanism. Didn’t work for shit when Isak flounced off though.

A fully fit James is the best Rb in the world imo.

Now do Italy the first 2 are easy. 1. Pirlo 2. De Rossi 3. Verrati? Gattuso? I was probably too young to appreciate Berti in his prime. edit: Albertini? Same comment as Berti.

It may be a cliché, but Gerrard could have done what Scholes did at Man United; the same can't be said the other way around.

Loved Scholes but Gerrard was a better CM imo. Hate Liverpool but the guy, in his prime, had it all.

Cm’s? Gerrard Scholes Lampard In that order imo.

Gotta get the long-sleeve, surely? Wears it better than anyone in the squad.

Assuming we have enough PSR headroom, especially with the money from the Isak sale, we should realistically be able to spend around £150m net next summer, right? If that’s the case, there’s no reason we can’t start closing the gap. Our best XI isn’t far off in quality from sides like Arsenal; the bigger issue is squad depth and overall balance. There’s a point of diminishing returns with these teams having quality (but bloated) squads- only so many players can feature regularly- so if we get a relatively clean bill of health next season, there’s a path to bridging that gap more quickly than people think imo.

The top three are probably locked in, but the fight from fourth down looks to be between us, Spurs, Chelsea, possibly Villa, and maybe a surprise team like Palace. I reckon a good season for Man Utd will see them finishing somewhere between 7th and 10th.

Negative takes can be frustrating, but at least they engage with the present moment. Hindsight-driven “gotcha” posts, on the other hand, often feel more like performative victory laps than meaningful contributions. Me saying this has nothing at all to do with me being one of the people called out. Honest.

Honestly, I had my doubts about Thiaw before he joined us. After such a strong debut season, his form dipped quite a bit following that injury, and he started to look pretty shaky. And let’s be real, seeing Milan fans laughing at us like we’d just agreed to pay 30 million for a hologram of Lloyd Kelly didn’t exactly boost my confidence either. But credit where it’s due; he’s been excellent so far. Hopefully he’ll continue to prove all the initial doubters (like me!) wrong. Lad seemingly has all the makings of a top, top cb.

He had a strong performance against USG but struggled against a team that clearly knew him well and how to nullify his game. Some on here are being overly critical; I still have full confidence he'll be a real asset for us. His pace is frightening, and he often delivers some excellent balls. I get the frustration with his touch and decision-making at times, but if he had someone like Bruno or Trippier’s football IQ and technical polish, we’d be talking about a Ballon d'Or-level player imo. Wingers like him tend to have their ups and downs but, given time, this lad will shine for us.

Christ. What a pen

Gonna shave that stupid hair peninsula off his head so he looks like Tony Soprano. Limpest ref going.

Sick of this fucking ref and his Count Chocula fucking hairline.

Elanga wearing Timbalands out there today.

And breathe…

Fuck yessss

Ref getting paid per foul here or what? Fuck your kpis you Toby from the US Office looking fuck.

As usual, I’m like a month behind.

Some tidy passing on display. Love to see it.

Ah, brilliant. As if we needed more reasons to dislike modern football.