Ronaldo

Exactly would I would've gone for.

League One standard, or is that flattering?

We're better off without Pardew, but only because it puts us in the position to appoint someone else. In terms of who'd you want in charge, Carver or Pardew, if your aim was to pick up points over the course of 38 games, it's a different answer.

I can only imagine how much effort went into training if that's his level with people watching.

You may think so but I thought he was crap - as usual. He may have scored the goal - and God be thanked for that - but his general play and control is amateurish. He also lacks pace and is now just a poacher who I would sell if we had a club run by a professional instead of a greedy tight-fisted Market trader who won't pay market rate for a decent CF. You obviously weren't following the club when we had Shearer up front or even David Kelly, let alone Supermac. With Mandoon here, like. Cisse played perfectly well yesterday. We all know he's not Shearer or Supermac but I couldn't care less if he keeps scoring a goal every 85 minutes or whatever his rate it. Neither should you.

Tall defenders?

He often has good games against strikers who don't score goals. Today was certainly one of them.

Vividly remember watching that game on Sky. Steve Howey all over the shop.

Ha. He's funny.

Williamson tells him what to do, man. As utterly shit as Mike Williamson is he's the only one who tries to take responsibility for organising the defence.

We're 11th and there isn't a single side above us who'd have him in their team.

Cabaye, Debuchy, Williamson to name 3 all take/took more responsibility for leading the team. Off the top of my head, so I'm sure there's more.

Gillespie was absolutely brilliant for us. Miles better than Fox, who, to be fair, was a decent stopgap player.

Precisely why today (and Sunlun) were the remaining games I genuinely wanted us to win. Horrible fans, horrible part of the country. Fuck them to hell.

And why has he retained the armband despite lack of on-field leadership being a ludicrously glaring problem for years now? He's perfect for them, man. Just as Carver is and Pardew was. Men with no real self-respect.

Have you only watched NUFC for 8 weeks or what? Ridiculous statement. Can I have your username and password to this (secret?) database that contains these thoughts about who is interested in who? Tiote has been garbage this season but there really is no need to rewrite history. Oh great, Tiotefan99 returns. He's shit, he's been utterly useless for the best part of 3 seasons and has hopefully played his last game in the Premier League. History suggests had any manager shown genuine interest in him he'd be long gone. One day I sincerely hope you retrieve the username and password to common sense.

Riviere is the opposite of Cisse. I really like some of the work he does outside the box, but he doesn't look like he's got the appetite for goals. Aye, I thought Riviere had a very good game but just doesn't carry a goal threat at all. He's supposed to be a goal threat, he's not, he's a woeful striker. Yep. He's shit, and doesn't deserve any defence whatsoever.

If you can think of another reason, I'd love to hear it. Not that you'll ever come up with one. His best mate Jonas publically complained about Pardew's treatment of him when diagnosed with cancer and a week later Colo was in the paper defending Pardew's position as team manager. That's the type of person he is: he takes his money and does what he's told whether he thinks it's right or wrong. Leaders don't do that, but a captain who'd question those above is about as likely at NUFC as a manger who complains about players being sold.

It's a terrible choice. But it's basically a choice between poor footballer with good pace and poor footballer with average pace.

93-97 is closer to the truth.

If he's so good, would you have him here? With legitimate options such as Garde on the table, no. Instead of Charver or Pardew, in a fucking second.

I'd imagine getting kicked in the bollocks with steel-toe boots feels preferable to watching Gouffran play for NUFC.

You can't mean Shola, I think even you could belong in his company as a footballer and I've never seen you play.

He failed to deliver when marginalised by the mercenaries Remy and Ba. Other than that he's generally always scored goals. He got us 5th in 2012, kept us in the PL in 2013 and has basically repeated that in 2015.