Pilko

Elanga on the bench, 3 CBs... Not what I was expecting. Got to trust it though.

Match fixing this. There'll be loads of lads in China, Paqueta Island etc making an absolute pile on this result because they've been told it was guaranteed and nobody will bat an eye as it's an expected Chelsea home win.

Pedro handballs it but they're ignoring that, hits the lad on the back of the elbow and that'll be a pen. An absolute disgrace this game.

Fuck me, this is ridiculous. Silva should walk them off the pitch here.

They don't pull that back if it's a Chelsea goal. Corrupt fucking cunts.

At least we selt him to a decent European club. Usually the "promising initially but don't make it" ones go to Gateshead if they're lucky.

Boom boom boom boom There's a German striker in the Toon He'll score our goals forever And he's fucking huge

Apparently John Ruddy was fuming.

Nurse, the polaroid!

Woltemade would be a rip the cock clean off level of signing.

Surely we need to explore an option with a release clause like we did when we got Wood?

We'll just slap in big bids for every PL striker going, regardless of age or value. Raul Jimenez is my wildcard prediction for a late bid.

Dumped out by a League 2 team despite playing all their expensive new signings. £80m striker 10th on the pen takers list Manager too scared to watch his shit heap players tek pens Give Amorim a 10 year deal.

Someone just shared this stat with me - Amorim has won 7/29 PL games in charge of Man U, Steve McClaren managed 6/29 in the NUFC hotseat.

Fuck me, he's like journalisms answer to a miserable Tumblr teenager.

Didn't you used to call Adam Lawrence "Kojak"?

Hope he does well for four months before inevitably taking a job in a senior setup somewhere.

Someone put the birds in Boro on red alert, they're about to be Shermanated. Best of luck to him.

If there's bad news to be delivered Craig Hope is faster than a fucking greyhound Get £60m on the table pronto.

Their darts commentary and pundit teams are excellent as well. Completely in agreement that their football coverage is by far the worst, too many divvies who get on cos they're a famous name rather than because they're knowledgeable or insightful.

He's delivered absolutely bugger all for ages now and it's the second time this calendar year he's got a completely avoidable 3 game ban. When he lets us down in a few months time after contributing fuck all goals or assists with another avoidable 3 game ban I'm sure he'll be saying the same thing. Sick to death of him. Needs a haircut and a transfer, he's been a liability for ages.

Speaking to a genuinely canny and sympathetic Liverpool fan in a bar after the game (I know, I'm shocked they exist too) and he was talking about how they've been fortunate in both games, not played especially well, but scored 7 and 6 points, yet was worried Arsenal would stuff them next weekend. Then I explained how we'd played really well in both games so far and come away with 1 point. Sometimes just feels we never, ever get the rub of the fucking green and these big clubs just seem to always get it. We desperately, desperately need a win at Elland Road. Wish it wasn't under the lights because they were bang up for it against Everton last time and the crowd there could level it off a bit.

Hate to say this but two games in this already feels like it could be a repeat of that season a few years ago where every single possible thing went wrong. Two great performances with only a point to show, key injuries already flying in, a suspension and no senior striker worth a start. We need to beat Leeds and get one in up top desperately to get the feel good factor back.